The Nicest of the Damned

Penn State 85, No. 7 Michgan State 76

2008-02-03T10:59:00.000-05:00

Amen!

Oink, chop, sizzle, crunch

2008-01-30T14:32:00.001-05:00

New Yacht Rock!

I love it when you call me big poppa

2008-01-25T01:05:00.000-05:00

It's been awhile, and I really wanted to keep this thing going. I really did. But let me tell you the truth: I can't do this stuff unless I'm really happy or miserable, and my mood over the past month or so has been somewhere in the range of ecstatic to beyond anxious. There are reasons for this, of course. The holidays are always stressful and the beginning of the calendar year presents an increased workload and ambition for new projects. Mrs. TNOTD and I celebrate our birthdays eight days apart, so that always takes up some time. And then there's gin. Sweet, sweet gin.

But most of all, there's one thing that has swung me from the dizzying highs to the moments of sheer anxiety: We're fucking having a baby.

Don't get me wrong — this, next to marrying my wife, is the greatest thing ever. And I'm totally psyched for it. But also, there's the fact that this tiny human will be totally reliant on me. Seriously. It wasn't that long ago that I spent 48 hours consuming nothing but coffee, sugar, cigarettes and a half a bowl of salt (don't ask). And now another person is reliant on me for survival?

Ha! Good luck kid!

I'm just kidding, of course. I can't wait for him or her to get here — I've been going to all the appointments. And when we saw him/her two days ago (at exactly 3 months), he/she appeared to have two arms and legs, a brain and a strong heart. And that's all I could ask for.

Sweet Fancy Moses. I'm gonna be a dad.

Which, I guess, excuses my fondness for Steely Dan and Bruce Springsteen.

I think I had some funny stuff to write here, but it seems I have forgotten it. So in the meantime, listen to this song I'll no doubt be making my son/daughter listen to in the crib in seven months (seriously, this song has like seven different catchy hooks):

Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin - "Glue Girl" (from the album Pershing, out April 11)

We got more fans than Lowe's

2008-01-10T12:45:00.000-05:00

For once, I feel sorry for The Ohio State University:

The lyrics are just tremendous, but this is also notable for probably being the first rap song to give a shout out to a punter.

(via Awful Announcing)

Cheer me up, cheer me up

2008-01-04T10:27:00.000-05:00

More depressing "Ziggy" editing.

Too many channels?
Or is our melon-headed friend teetering on the brink?

Also going back to our top 100 of 2007 at random...

40. Voxtrot - "Kid Gloves" (from the album Voxtrot)
I found the first full-length from Voxtrot to be a little disappointing. Their EPs had been very strong, so it was surprising they couldn't sustain that on their self-titled LP. Nevertheless, there were some standouts, most notably "Kid Gloves," which bounces energetically from verse to chorus and best represents the strong twee Brit pop that was so successful in their earlier work.

The Best of 2007 on Shuffle

2008-01-03T09:30:00.000-05:00

Just for fun, let's take a random look at our Top 100 Tracks of 2007:

85. Illinois - "Screendoor" (from the album What The Hell Do I Know?)

A delightful blast of scruffy indie pop infused with a 70s rock vibe (can't beat those "woo-hoos") from the band Illinois, which is not at all confusingly from Pennsylvania's Bucks County. Also not confusingly, Uncle Tupelo, a band from Illinois, recorded a song called "Screen Door," for their debut album. This is not that song.

27. Blitzen Trapper - "Wild Mountain Nation" (from the album Wild Mountain Nation)

Probably the most direct ancestral heritage of this song can be traced back to the early 70s studio works of the Grateful Dead, mixed up with some of The Band's funkier moments. But you know what else this reminds me of? The Faces. It just has that loose, freewheling, good time sound.

46. Shout Out Louds - "Tonight I Have to Leave It" (from the album Our Ill Wills)

Oh Sweden, how you continue to produce terrific British bands. Shout Out Louds first caught our attention in 2005 with the deliriously awesome "Very Loud" from their well-received debut Howl Howl Gaff Gaff. Eschewing that album's uplifting and dance-inspiring tones for a more morose mood that is more than a little reminiscent of The Cure and at times The Smiths. And that's to say, the album, and this song, aren't mope in the corner Belle & Sebastian deep cuts. Through the mourning, there's a good beat, driven here by some swelling orchestration and, of course, cowbell.

96. Jens Lenkman - "Friday Night at the Drive-In Bingo" (from the album Night Falls Over Kortedala)

A late find for us, but Night Falls quickly became one of our favorite albums of 2007. Lenkman — incidentally, another Swede — is a masterful songwriter, effortlessly blending genres in gorgeous melodies. At first blush, at least, the guy is a genius pop songwriter. This song is a sweet rocker embellished by horns and piano to give it at moments an almost '50s pop feel.

Also on the list (Sorry, no free mp3s for these):
47. "Postcard to Nina" - The highlight of the album for me. Lenkman relates the story of traveling to Berlin and pretending to be a lesbian friend's boyfriend in order to fool her family, only to feel guilt over what a nice guy her dad is. Listen at NPR.
73. "Sipping on the Sweet Nectar" - A disco love song. See the video here.

6. Iron and Wine - "Boy with a Coin" (from the album The Shepherd's Dog)
Sam Beam's voice is unmistakable, but his newest album is his farthest removed yet from the bare bones recordings of his early years. What seemed to be hinted at in snippets on 2005's Woman King comes full bore here, with I&W sounding like a band pumping up its old style with some new, and worldly sounds. The spooky, backwoods feel is still there. But now the drums nd weird guitars have joined the campfire lullabyes.

Also on the list (sorry, no free mp3)
88. "White Tooth Man" - The album's second track sets the mood by picking up the beat and delivering Indian-flavored rhythms. Check it out with other tracks at I&W's Myspace.

Back with more later. In the meantime, you can find out more about music on the Internet.

Reinventng Ziggy

2007-12-28T22:38:00.000-05:00

I've done some editing to make this particular Ziggy....

Reflect the title character's struggles with faith, and sanity, as he sums up his emotionally and spiritually devastated worldview to a bird.

Happy Xmas

2007-12-22T00:57:00.001-05:00

A smattering of potpouri and hodgepodge

2007-12-19T23:11:00.000-05:00

This just in...

• Kenneth from "30 Rock" involved in love child scandal, per free press boundary tester National Enquirer. Wait, Kenneth is running for President? Of America?!

• The world is ending. See all 1,321 examples here.
Related: Won't somebody think of the children?! Oh, well, thank you then KITV.

• Also, the world is ending. Won't somebody think of the children?! Seriously this time.

• Steroid users and the hall-of-fame — a solution! Include one relevant phrase from the Mitchell Report about each player in question. For example, induct Roger Clemens and his plaque would read...

Roger Clemens
1984-2008
Red Sox, Blue Jays, Yankees, Astros
Winner of 7 Cy Young Awards, 360 career wins, 4,800 career strikeouts, 3.15 career ERA.
"McNamee injected Clemens in the buttocks four to six times with testosterone"

Another half-assed revival

2007-12-19T11:43:00.000-05:00

OK, we're back again. Much ado, so I won't get into why I haven't been here for eight months. I'll keep things brief to start.

"Clash of the Choirs"
Seriously, what the fuck?

I wish I could find the video of this online. While I was half reading Elizabeth Kostova's The Historian (good read, BTW) we had this abomination on. If you haven't seen it, musical heavyweights Michael Bolton(!), Patti Labelle(!), Nick Lachey(!) and Some Country Guy(!!!!) form choirs from their... Oh God, forget it. It makes me too sad. To get to the point, Team Lachey's choir last night performed "Friends in Low Places." You haven't lived until you've heard a choir perform this dumb song. I can't decide which, but this was the musical equivalent of a) the 2 girls 1 cup video or b) a back-alley abortion. Hopefully I'll find video soon.

Even better was the choreography, intended to emulate a shit-kickin' hoedown, I guess, but resulting in the appearance of trying to teach horses to do The Chicken Dance.

Also, you know what's even greater than someone (like the narrator of "Friends in Low Places") acting smug about being white trash? Some camped up acting of someone acting smug about being white trash. Pointing a thumb at one's self with every emphatic statement of douchery, hooking one's thumbs on one's belt loops, spasmodically kicking one's legs about to midtempo rhythms and pointedly smirking at every recounted act of redneck, bemulleted mischief — these are the tenets upon which the musical theater was built!

I'll be back.

Everything was beautiful, and nothing hurt.

2007-04-12T09:16:00.000-04:00

Novelist Kurt Vonnegut died Wednesday at the age of 84. I can remember reading Slaughterhouse-Five for the first time as a young teenager, and I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say it changed my way of thinking more than any other book, or song, or movie. It opened a world of dark humor and insight and at times just plain weirdness that I would come to enjoy. I devoured most of Vonnegut's work before I turned 20, and I know his books affected so many other people as much as and more than me.

As his obituary notes, he was a freethinker, and I think that's what draws us to Vonnegut more than anything. He had an imagination like no one else -- one that dreamt up an oddly realistic world with sci-fi landscapes. His characters were strange and miserable, like most of us can be on any given day. And his books had so much to say about us as humans -- religion, war, art and all our other constructs.

The visitor from outer space made a serious study of Christianity, to learn, if he could, why Christians found it so easy to be cruel. He concluded that at least part of the trouble was slipshod storytelling in the New Testament. He supposed that the intent of the Gospels was to teach people, among other things, to be merciful, even to the lowest of the low.

But the Gospels actually taught this:

Before you kill somebody, make absolutely sure he isn't well connected. So it goes.
--- Slaughterhouse-Five

Ultimately, Vonnegut was a humanist, outraged at injustices throughout the world and conveying that outrage the only way he knew how.

We are healthy only to the extent that our ideas are humane.
---Breakfast of Champions

In a way, he was a philosophical Mark Twain for the later 20th century. He cared deeply about what was going on around him and he wrote about with a sharp with and imagination. His work will no doubt be impacting new readers for a long time to come. He will be missed.

So it goes.

Update:
Stinkor says: "I have never been so sad about the death of someone i did not know. I am hard pressed to think of someone else that i did not know who had such an impact on my life. Player Piano is responsible in some degree for my choice of career."

Our friend Oliver shares "An Ode to Kilgore Trout"

"Call me Jonah. My parents did, or nearly did. They called me John. "

"Here we are, trapped in the amber of the moment. There is no why. "

"I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell
you different."

"I want to stand as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on
the edge you see all the kinds of things you can't see from the center."

"If you can do a half-assed job of anything, you're a one-eyed man in a
kingdom of the blind."

"It is a very mixed blessing to be brought back from the dead."

"Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I
myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward."

"The year was 2081, and everyone was finally equal. "

"True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school
class is running the country. "

Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. Nov. 11, 1922 - April 11, 2007

God bless you, Mr. Vonnegut.

When I look out on this street and see all the kids, and furry freaks, and giant goddamn birds…

2007-04-09T12:48:00.000-04:00

Half awake in our fake empire

2007-04-06T10:09:00.000-04:00

Following up on the triumph of 2005's Alligator (in my opinion, one of the decade's best albums), The National return with The Boxer on May 22. Early evidence points toward another album of smart and seductive songs that punch you in the gut when you listen closely. If there's one thread that seems to run through the Cincinnati by way of Brooklyn band's past work, it's that even when the songs swell and surge or briefly punk out, there's an undeniable feeling of loneliness in singer Matt Berninger's sad and dirty lyrics.

That's evident again on the new track "Fake Empire," which is at once wistful and brooding. There's a late-summer feel set in the lyrics that begin about "[staying] out superlate tonight/picking apples and making pies/put a little something in our lemonade/and take it with us." Driven by little more than a piano for most of the song, it veers into the near fantastical taking a Disney on lots of valium trip while passively noting that the narrator and his partner are drifting along in some artificial realm. Bryan Devendorf's drums (whose importance throughout the band's work cannot be overstated -- few bands use their drummer as well), though, transform the song more than half way through, and an emergent, fuzzed-out guitar and horns amp the song into something more majestic before it's through. The final flourishes could go on longer, but it's a slight complaint. "Fake Empire" is an excellent appetizer for what promises to be one of the year's best albums.

• The National - "Fake Empire"

-------------------

In other news....

• I was pleased to see Sanjaya break out the Fredo-in-Cuba look this week on American Idol. Kudos also go to Phil, as I always wanted to see a muppet do a Frank Sinatra Jr. impression.

• Stinkor pointed us to this picture from the New York Times, which I think sums up the past six years pretty well.

Radio on the TV

2007-03-14T13:26:00.000-04:00

Two highly unimportant televised musical events took place earlier this week —The 2007 Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Induction and Open Bar, and the beginning of the American Idols final (a confusing term, no doubt, as the actual final-- the final two -- is months away. But the Idol folks still officially refer to the round of 24 as the semifinal, and the round of 12 on the big stage as the final. The final show is the finale. This is like saying when the NCAA Tournament first round opens on Thursday that it is the college basketball final round, featuring 64 teams. There will be a quiz on this terminology at the end of the blog.)

I didn't watch the entirety of the R&R HOF for a variety of reasons (busy working, then watching the pretty good Black Donnellys. This will also be on the quiz). But here are some notes on what I did see.

• If you didn't see it, try to imagine this scenario. Van Halen was inducted by the utterly soulless Velvet Revolver (which is kind of like Van Halen, if it were designed by a corporate committee). I believe Slash was wearing his formal top hat.

Then "Van Halen" comes onstage to accept the award. Who represents Van Halen? Why, two guys who aren't even in the band anymore of course, Sammy Hagar and bassist Michael Anthony, both of whom, nonetheless looked no less than orgasmic to have coattailed their ways into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Sammy wore his good T-shirt, and more than ever he looks like the guy at every frat party who looks much too old to still be in school and has expert advice to offer in all matters related to beer bonging, keg standing and shotgunning. Michael Anthony took the high road and didn't make fun of Eddie Van Halen, which he would have been well within his rights to do. He also recognized Gary Cherone (who frankly had as much right to be there as Sammy). Somewhere, Nuno Bettencourt could be seen biting his fist.

Then Velvet Revolver comes out and performs and it is just unbelievably terrible. I mean, good lord, these guys have made millions by being "musicians." Awful. Awful, awful, awful. Ugh.

Apparently this assemblage of douchery put the kibosh on David Lee Roth performing, because Diamond Dave would only perform "Jump," and Velvet Revolver said, "Hey man, we're a guitar band. We don't use fucking keyboards. That shit is for pussies." Yeah, guys, wouldn't want you to sell out or anything.

Then Sammy, Michael Anthony, and Paul Shaffer (who's head has now reached such a level of roundness and shiny-ness as to not seem real…. It looks like Elvis' bowling ball or something) perform "Why Can't This Be Love?" marking the end of what was pretty much like watching a 20-minute car accident.

• Eddie Vedder should induct everyone every year. This year he gave a wonderfully researched and lengthy tribute to REM, though not quite approaching the epic Ramones induction he did a few years back. It was humble, funny, insightful, and called attention to one oft overlooked aspect of REM's legacy: Mike Mills' bedazzled, brightly colored suits.

• Peter Buck really needs a wrangler. Clearly loaded the minute he walked on stage, he kind of wandered around behind Mike Mills and Michael Stipe, often had his back to everyone, said things to Bill Berry that poor Bill looked utterly baffled by, and just generally looked like he would at any moment throw yogurt at a stewardess while proclaiming "I am REM."

•Was the jam on "I Wanna Be Your Dog" a pitch for getting The Stooges inducted next year? I think so. Was Patti Smith's way-too-close-for-comfort-duet with Stipe on the song more than a little creepy? I think so. Does Patti Smith almost certainly smell like cigarettes and curry? I think so. She's great. I'm just sayin'.

• It was great to see the Ronettes come out for the final jam on Smith's "People Have the Power," but I would have been more impressed to see them come out for "I Wanna Be Your Dog."

And now onto American Idol. First off, why would they do a Diana Ross night? It was horrible and boring. Not to mention one other little thing: Diana Ross is batshit crazy. But that did provide for some actually honest assessments from her, rather than the typical celebrity comments on how great everyone is. She said one girl doesn't have the voice to sing live. Basically told another, "Well if you're going to insist on butchering this song, could you please at least start on the right bar." I don't particularly care for any of these people so far, to the point that I can barely remember any of their names, so try to follow:

• Chris the puffy dude with the big hair: I liked him at first, but he hasn't done much cool stuff. I did like how he took the awful "Endless Love" and made it into an awful Coldplay mashup. Hey, at least he tried.

• Beatbox: He's OK, at least he tries to do something different.

• Justin Timberlake the Second: This guy's alright too, though he really took a dump last night. My problem is this: He's obviously trying to be exactly like Justin Timberlake, who is an American hero who cannot be mimicked (more on this another time).

•Whatshisface: The guy who did Rare Earth's "I Just Want to Celebrate" (which I applaud him for selecting) and last night forgot the words to the most well-known Diana Ross song. Don't dislike him. Don't like him. Don't really have an opinion.

• Midnight Oil: The bald guy. I'm sorry. He sucks. He picks weird, inappropriate songs, isn't that good a singer and his eyes freak me out. He looks like he's either wearing a lot of eye shadow or had a scuba diving accident.

• Humble Pie: The back-up singer who looks like she's gonna die right there everytime someone utters a nice word about her. That shit's getting old fast.

• Rocker Semi Goth Chick: She's not bad. I like her. That was really the only song I enjoyed last night. She won't last long though. Her mentoring with Diana Ross did provide with the best glimpse into Ross' odd interpretation of the English language, when she continually said "pronunciate." Later she told one contest to be "point on."

• She Ain't Here For Her Voice: And there's only one reason Simon was so complimentary of her. I thought she'd be gone tonite, but I think she sticks for a couple weeks on the strength of Simon's praise.

•Whatsherface: The one with the big voice that everyone loves and will probably get voted out before the top three.

• The Other One: I honestly do not remember anything this girl has done

• Jordin Sparks: An easy name to remember, because it has got to be a porn name. This is why we will miss Sundance Head. Could you imagine Jordin Sparks and Sundance Head headlining the finals? I think that would have qualified AI for an AVN Award.

That brings us to Sanjaya, the greatest contestant in the history of television. An androgynous fop, young Sanjaya is so terrible, he is wonderful. I begin laughing from the moment he appears on the screen and do not stop until he leaves. He is so leisurely about everything that's going on, it seems like he is absent-mindedly singing along to the radio while he irons a kimono. They should hook this guy up to a heart monitor while he performs to see if his heart rate ever goes up. I'm betting on no. And it's not just singing that he takes a sleepy attitude towards (like this "karaoke-terrifies-me" version of "Ain't No Mountain High Enough". ) It's life, everything from his creepy hula dancing to his inability to understand simple banter (like him obviously thinking "wail" meant "whale").

So if we lose you tonight, Sanjaya, know you will be missed by fans of comedy the world over.

If your memory serves you well...

2007-02-27T10:20:00.000-05:00

If you've never seen The Last Waltz, this isn't going to be very entertaining. But if you have, this is a pretty brilliant parody of/tribute to The Band's concert film featuring Guster in a promo for Endless Highway: The Music of the Band. The tribute album features My Morning Jacket, Widespread Panic, Gomez, Allman Brothers Band and Death Cab for Cutie, among others, but this clip is based around Guster's performance of "This Wheel's on Fire":

Dreams do come true

2007-02-23T09:12:00.000-05:00

I had a dream that I wrote a blog about the Billy Ripken "Fuck Face Bat" baseball card.

I've now made that dream come true.

Back with more frequent posts eventually.

Late night hodgepodge

2007-02-03T01:17:00.000-05:00

• Revenge of the Nerds never got its due. For its genre, it is almost as good as Animal House, and on some counts, better. Fortunately, Stylus has pitted the films against each other, Bill Simmons-style, and came up with a solid match-up between the two films.

Regrettably, my wife denied my request to make the talent show song from Nerds our wedding song. Watch it here. It is, and I write this seriously, one of the finest moments in the history of music in motion pictures.

• Here's somethin' else I ain't jokin' 'bout: "Run, Al, Run: Why Gore Should Run -- An How He Can Win". An interesting lede...

A stiff vice president campaigns on his administration's legacy of unprecedented prosperity. Looks terrible on TV. Bows out, following a disputed vote count. Then, two terms later, with no incumbent in the race, he re-enters the fray. Promises to change the course of a disastrous war founded on lies. And charges to victory. I'm referring, of course, to the 1968 campaign of Richard Milhous Nixon. But four decades later, history has a chance to repeat itself for Albert Arnold Gore.

... And an interesting story that coalesced my interest in the should-have-been-prez running again.

On a somewhat related note, a friend of ours who shall remain nameless yesterday said, innocently (in response to Joe Biden's odd remarks about Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton), "You can't go after Obama now. He's like JFK was. He's bulletproof."

... 10 seconds later ...

"Oh, God, that's not what I meant at all. I feel horrible. I feel sick."

• Frankly, with all that he's accomplished lady-friend-wise, we're convinced that hizzoner is just trying to singlehandedly butch up the City by the Bay

While most denizens of Bay Area appear to be brushing off the mayor's tomcattery, and while TNOTD approves of both his progressive social policies and rugged good looks, one San Fransiscan did nail one aspect of this pretty well when interviewed for the linked CNN.com story, something we should all always remember:

"Any guy who puts that much mousse in his hair can't be trusted," Abbott said.

• Despite the critical divide, we're enjoying profusely (as dad would say) The Shins' latest long-player. Go visit The Rawking Refuses to Stop for a few interesting live cuts (all of which pre-date the new album). For some breaking Shins, check out Faronheit for tracks from the band's performance on Philly's wonderful WXPN. Both of those are consistently damn fine blogs, enough so to warrant mild profanity. And Rawking shares our allusive affinty for The Royal Tennenbaums (although my reference is far less creative and much more deeply hidden).

• An ongoing list of professional athletes who's names suggest they could have been characters in the Wild West:
Joe Montana
Roy Halladay
R.W. McQuarters
'Ugly' Johnny Dickshot (frankly, we don't care if it sounds like an Old West name or not. We just wanted to type it. Here's a second source, in case you don't believe us.)

Kicking television

2007-01-31T12:31:00.000-05:00

I did this once before two years ago where I kept a running diary of watching TV. You can read that first one here. That one is admittedly much more entertaining than this one is, partly because I decided to do this one at a much later hour than the first one. But as I learned in a job I once had, "content is king." Even if the king is an ugly, stammering buffoon. One thing I should note, it's been two years between these entries, but in both turkey hunting was on the same channel. Also, I didn't get to the 650 digital channels on our cable, because I'm tired, man. So tired.

PBS: "Oprah's Roots" Spoiler Alert! Oprah is related to black people.

Local Bulletin: Roast beef lunch news + Smooth R&B=Hot local action

ABC & NBC: "Smallville" & "Star Trek." The battle between enormous nerds young and old rages on. At 2 a,m, Sunday.

Government Access: In case you missed the borough planning commission meeting on Thursday, catch it again on Sunday! Or don't!

FOX: Paid Programming. I don't know what this is for, but the man in the black blazer and bright blue shirt has the strangest goatee man has ever witnessed. I also cannot determine which is more blinding, the woman's technicolored dreamshirt or bright white hair. Oh well, this man with the thin mustache and slick backed hair is here to apparently represent the devil. Or John Waters

CN8: More paid programming with a bunch of losers and an Australian guy. More importantly, why is CN8 on channel 9.

CBS: The Eye has the Super Bowl and the Grammys, the two most disappointing annual events in all of television… Oh good, a "Raymond" rerun. They're never on.

WKBS/CTVN: This is a telethon for the Christian network. For some reason a man in a sweatervest is holding a giant, gilded number 7. And Marilu Henner's right-wing equivalent is here.

QVC: "Diamonique Directions" How to say 'I love you,' without really meaning it.

ABC: A guy on a pay phone, a dictionary, an interstate, an oil rig, a map of southeast Asia. I have no fucking clue.
Oh wait, there's a giant bag of weed. It all makes sense now.

Encore: "Highlander: Final Dimension" It's the director's cut, which I'm assuming means the director cut his wrists upon realizing he directed "Highlander: Final Dimension"

Lifetime: Lifetime has a show called "Gay, Straight or Taken?" Society has reached its logical apogee.

ESPN: "Sportscenter" You know, there was a time when the idea of showing 20 seconds of BYU-Air Force basketball highlights would be funny. Well guess what? This isn't funny.

ESPN2: Xcenter. Highlights from the X Games. Someone I've never heard of competing in a sport I've never heard of just thanked God for his victory. God's never heard of him either.

TV Guide Channel: Honest to Christ, X Game highlights.

FX: "Thief": Never seen it. Don't care.

PCN: Oooh, a call-in show with the press secretary of the PA Game Commission and another guy, both of whom have wicked strong goatees.

TBS: "Showtime" So there was a movie starring Eddie Murphy and Robert DeNiro? In 1984 that would have blown people's minds. In 2007, not so much.

CW/WPIX: "The Shield" Never seen it. Don't care. (I've burned you and your quality programming but good, FX Network)

Hallmark:: "Troy." You know, the Brad Pitt movie? Yeah, I don't know why it's on here either. I also didn't know there was a Hallmark Channel.

CSPAN: The Demoncrats' radio address with Antonio Villaraigosa, who holds the honor of most difficult Hispanic name to type.

FOXNews: "The Lineup" It's in commercial, but I assume "the lineup" includes the usual suspects -- gays, cut and run democrats, tax and spend liberals, democrats/liberals in general, and Sean Penn…. I judged the tenor of this program all wrong. First story back from break: "New developments in the Paris Hilton sex tape scandal"

CNN Newsroom: Commercial for Avodart. They're just making shit up now…. That Ron Livingston "even protects us from meteors" commercial is pretty funny.

Headline News: TV's most provocative entertainment news show is starting …. RIGHT NOW!!!!!! (I just peed myself a little) … Shouldn't Dakota Fanning be a lot older now? Hasn't she been around for like 20 years now… The Gray's Anatomy homophobe is in rehab. Apparently anyone does something career-threatening, the answer is rehab. Well, counseling. See, Headline News refers to it as rehab so as to fit a square peg into a round hole of celebrities generally entering rehab. Never mind if we there's to be a difference between seeing a therapist and entering rehab. As long as we can make this goofy story happen. (Side note: I hate Gray's Anatomy)

CNBC: Paid programming. Christie Brinkley! Chuck Norris! Wesley Snipes! If there's a hotter celebrity product 20 years ago, I don't wanna know about it.

CourtTV: "Body of Evidence: Hannibal" Somehow, appears to involve neither elephants nor cannibals.

FOXSports Pittsburgh: Nothing says Pittsburgh sports like Big 12 basketball. Thanks for showing this all day, Fox Sports Pittsburgh.

VH1: "100 Greatest One Hit Wonders" First of all, this Citi commercial where the girl is running to the Spice Girls song -- What's the matter Citi, couldn't you find a more outdated, lamer song? What was "Can't Touch This" not available?… Kashi rocks, but come on you hippies, let's step up the portions on those TV dinners. They are delicious, but I need to drink a big bag if red dye 5 just to feel full after eating one of them for lunch… We're still doing this Hulk Hogan show? Really? Really? … Of all the great rock stars in history, how is it that we ended up with Dee Fucking Snyder as the great defender of free speech in music?

MTV: "Real World Road Rules Challenge Reunion" Aneesa should always wear that weave. Perhaps it was donated to her from CT's cubic meter of hair. I did not watch this season, which is sad, as I think the Challenge has probably replaced hockey as the fourth best professional sport in America. Maybe even third…. Are they replacing Abe with Wes like the WWF brought in a different Ultimate Warrior and tried to pass him off as the same guy? Is that what's happening here? … Road Rules? I thought they cancelled that shit. By the way, let's bring back "fuck that noise" as a universal term of disagreement.

Spike: Ugh,

BET: "Classic Comicview" These words together are what's known as an oxymoron, like jumbo shrimp, or a fine mess, or clean coal.

TNT: "Cocktail" Nothing says cool like playing hoops and smokinga cigarette. "Aruba, Jamaica, ooh I wanna take ya…" Thanks TNT, that won't be in my head for the next week!

AMC: "Commando" Hey, that's Samantha Micelli!

Disney: "Suite Life of Zack and Cody" Disney Channel, home to a thousand Saved By The Bell knock offs

USA: "WWE Raw" This isn't gay at all.

Nickelodeon: "Roseanne" It's a later episode, when Roseanne was made out of clay.

Cartoon Network: Some dumb anime bullshit.

TLC: "Flip That House" Pffft, that name is kind of misleading.

A&E: "First 48" Apparently the show's title represents the number of seconds in which I will change the channel.

Travel Channel: "Las Vegas: Sucker Bets" Spoiler alert! Everything.

Comedy Central: Lisa Lampanelli. My gay friends all love her, so I won't pass judgment. But yikes, with the profanity already,

Oxygen: "The Accused" And it's right at the rape scene. Thanks and all Oxygen, but when watching TV at 2 am, I generally try to avoid the 10 most awful, disturbing minutes in cinematic history.

Animal Planet: "E-Vet Interns" Yet another show that should be called "Injured Pets and Their Hysterical Owners."

iTV: Paid programming, with the biggest bunch of social misfits you've ever seen. But more importantly, what the fuck is iTV?

Family Channel: Paid programming, That Kelly is jumping on a bed with a glass of red wine again. I'm kind of thinking maybe Kelly's gotta stop drinking in bed.

Food TV: "Iron Chef America," Now featuring no Americans.

Outdoor Network: RUN, TURKEY, RUN!… Oh God, this redneck invented a car that drives up trees.

CMT: Johnny and June Cash singing "Keep on the Sunny Side." A welcome respite.

E!: "Starveillance" I don't even know anymore.

MSNBC: "Warrior Nation" Not about the Ultimate Warrior, or Scandal. Instead, just a bunch of lameass kickboxing.

TV Land: MASH. A later episode. Suicide is painless, eh?

EWTN: The Pope Is Great, Hooray!

SciFi: "Gryphon" I probably could have just typed any random sequence of letters there and it would have looked like a Sci-Fir channel movie. "Alwkhjfujfh" See? I thinbk that one's about killer gorilla-dinosaur-alligator hybrids.

HGTV: "Design on a Dime" So, I am to believe the leather sofa and the big screen TV were purchased on a budget?

Bravo: "Last Comic Standing" Is Paul Rodriguez actually a contestant on this show? That would be sad.

Turner Classic Movies: Some shit that was never good to begin with

Golf: Golf. Seriously? Golf?

Speed: Auto racing. What's next, a tennis channel?

History: "Ancient Discoveries" About an ancient computer-like device. It was called Dell. Ohhhhhhhhhhh buuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CSPAN2: Book TV. If you are watching this a 3 a.m., I'm sorry about the way your life turned out.

ShopNBC: Are you dumb enough to buy a computer from TV at 3 a.,m.? Awesome!

HSN: "Just a Whole Bunch-A Stained Glass!"

IM, I Said: Very Truly Yours Edition

2007-01-25T09:26:00.000-05:00

Stinkor: Did I ask you whether you thought "sincerely" or "very truly yours" was more familiar?
TNOTD: No, but "very truly yours" definitely is more familiar.
Stinkor: That was my response, but no one else agreed with me. It turned into quite an argument, so I told my secretary that I will now use "peace out" to sign off any correspondence. (Stinkor will use any opportunity to announce that he has a secretary. -Ed.)
TNOTD: That works. "Very truly yours," I mean, that's practically romantic.
Stinkor:I agree. Might as well use love… I sometimes get to use "fraternally."
TNOTD: Really?
Stinkor: Yup… or "yours in solidarity"
TNOTD: For some reason I imagine the greeting of a letter signed "fraternally" to be "Hey Bra,"
Stinkor: I had a woman sending letters signing off "I remain," Man I hated her.
TNOTD: i almost spit out my coffee. "I remain, Geoff." What a weird fucking thing to say.
Stinkor: Yup. She was sending 10 letters a week, so when I wrote the draft of her brief for a partner, that's how I signed it. He cried.
TNOTD: Wait, was she about to undergo a sex change? Because in that case, "I remain, Suzy Johnson" or whatever would actually be helpful, to know she had not yet become Sam Johnson or whatever.
Stinkor: "For the time being, Suzy Johnson"

Best. State of the Union Address. Ever.

2007-01-24T09:00:00.000-05:00

No, of course not for its political content, but for taking the bold step of, finally, getting Dikembe Mutombo involved in the President's annual address.

Watch it here

Birthday Boy

2007-01-13T11:04:00.000-05:00

Ween - "Birthday Boy" (live at Fox Theatre/Boulder, Colo./12.03.2005)

Sniff me out like I was Tanqueray

2007-01-12T11:45:00.000-05:00

British vocalist and notorious tippler Amy Winehouse seems to be better known for rowdy behavior chronicled in the London tabloids (and for this possibly inebriated cover of "Beat It" on Charlottte Church's show) than she is for her actual musical achievement. And that's a shame, because she's pretty great. Her often brash and witty lyrics are matched by a soulful voice that updates the girl group and soul sounds of the 1960s by melding them with contemporary R&B. To be sure, songstresses ranging from Christina Aguilera to Joss Stone to Lauryn Hill to Sharon Jones have done a lot of what Winehouse does, but rarely with the same charming cocksuredness or gift for so aptly bringing the past to the present.

Check out these recommended tracks from her 2006 release Back to Black:

• Amy Winehouse - "Rehab"
• Amy Winehouse -"Rehab (Hot Chip Remix)"
• Amy Winehouse f/Ghostface - "You Know I'm No Good"

J'ai ce que je mérite et quelle jouissance

2007-01-10T11:30:00.000-05:00

I've been planning for a couple days to do a post about Quebecoise indie poppers Malajube, thinking I had found a cool band that hadn't already blown up all over Internet. Oh well.

So as usual, I'm a step behind. But these guys are really good -- great harmonies, insanely catchy, and since they sing in French, educational. How, for instance, does one say in French "and all these things I ejaculate"? Just consult the glorious melodies of "Montreal -40C":

et toutes ces choses que j'éjacule

Merci, Malajube!

Seriously though, check out these cuts from their 2006 full-length Trompe l'oeil. Very catchy. Very French-Canadian. Brightly lit, with just a hint of screaming, this is a new chapter in Canadian rock awesomeness.

• Malajube - "Montreal -40C"
• Malajube - "La Monogamie"
• Malajube - "Pate Filo"

Hobo Matters

2007-01-08T12:32:00.000-05:00

Since our post on King of the Hoboes Steam Train Maury Stinkor has been in the lab trying to concoct the perfect Hobo name for yours truly. As with most endeavors, he was unable to do so without the help of a nine-year-old. Today however, we received this dispatch from Stinkor:

As promised, Stinkor spent the weekend in long contemplation over a proper hobo name for you. Son of Stinkor, Who Will One Day Surpass His Father In Both Fame and Forturne collaborated with the Evil Master of Odors in this endeavor.

As you know, a proper hobo name will incorporate the unique physical attributes, geographic origins, and peculiar tendencies which characterize the person on which it is bestowed. Taking all of these factors into account, you shall henceforth be known as:

Captain Weirdbeard, the Infamous Port Matilda Dandypants

Son of Stinkor accurately captures the essence of your hobo persona in the attached artist's rendering [click on the image for a larger version]:

For unrelated hobo drawings, visit e-hobo.com/ for "The 700 Hoboes Project"

For more on hobo matters, check out what inspired today's hobophilia -- John Hodgman's The Areas of My Expertise -- as well as an mp3 of Hodgman's recitation of 700 Hobo Names.

I see London, I see Samsung

2007-01-07T15:35:00.000-05:00

For Festivus, the wife and I agreed to solicit our family members for some dolla dolla bils, y'all in order to get a new TV. See back in my salad days, when I was green in judgment and cold in blood, I purchased a regular old tube television from a big box store that rhymes with Best Buy. Pfffft, more like Worst Buy (zing!). I place equal blame on the store and the manufacturer (RCA, or Real Crappy, uh, I need to work on this zing), but apparently I missed the fine print in the extended warranty:

"This piece of shit will stop working three times in the next two years. You will spend hours waiting for the knuckleheads we've contracted to 'fix' these problems to come and take said piece of shit. The piece of shit will not be returned to you. You'll have to go and pick this 75-pound dinosaur up from the shady back alley offices of aforementioned knuckleheads. Eventually, this fucker's just gonna crap out all together, probably a couple weeks after the warranty expires. We'll probably kick your dachsund in the ribs for good measure after that. Good luck, bra."

So we've been using a not bad TV my father-in-law had in his basement. Unfortunately, this thing periodically emits a high-pitched squeal that is apparently only audible to me, my wife and neighborhood dogs. She's not a bad TV though. I call it "she" because like most females all it takes to stop her whining is a good banging in the rear.

So we collected this money from our family and yesterday set out to find our TV. After about a half hour, I had come to a decision. That decision? I have no idea what the fuck I am doing. Plasma, LCD, projection -- somehow, I feared I'd end up buying a cutout cardboard box and a puppet show. Anyway, we kept liking the same Samsung TVs we saw everywhere and then just went to Sam's Club (yeah, I know, eat my balls, OK?) and got the thing $500 cheaper than anywhere else. And a 10-gallon drum of peanut butter. I'm sitting in it right now, watching my giant new TV.

So we get it home and decide it looks dumb on the old TV stand we had and my wife and sister-in-law went back out and bought a new stand while I set up the TV. While quite nice, the thing they brought home was the most complicated piece of furniture Wal-Mart has ever sold. Here's a rough timeline of events in the assembly process:

6:30 p.m. — Open box. Take all the parts out. Cry.
7:30 p.m. — Resist stabbing myself in the eye with the only Philips screwdriver I am able to find -- a rusted thing from about 1935 that barely has a discernible head on it anymore. Throw screwdriver in the garbage. Go to store myself and just buy a new goddamn screwdriver.
8:45 p.m. — All right! Now this is starting to come along.
9:15 p.m. — Wait a second, something isn't right here. Staring at half assembled stand.
9:35 p.m. — Still staring at half-assembled stand.
9:38 p.m. — Realize where I made a mistake. Realize I have to disassemble the entire thing, going back to almost the very beginning. Realize I am sobbing.
10 p.m. — Still sobbing.
10:15 p.m. — All right! Now this thing is starting to come together.
10:30 p.m. — Bleeding.
11 p.m. — Hello, Floreda! This fucker's finished. What's that? The front molding broke off? Well, hello Mr., Hammer! Remember your good buddy Mr. Nail? I didn't see any wood splitting, did you?
11:30 p.m. — Drunk.

So as you can see, the whole thing officially reached rigamarole status. But it was all worth it if I get to see even one episode of "Armed & Famous" on a big screen. I've come up with a little formula to explain why.

Latoya Jackson + Jack Osborne X Firearms = Something Wonderful Is About To Happen.

So far, Samsung's 42-inch flat screen gets an A. Wal-Mart's DIY furniture? F+ (nicest looking Wal-Mart furniture I've ever had though).

The rules are the first to go

2007-01-05T19:27:00.000-05:00

• According to this report from WTOL-11 (Toledo's News Leader, Punk!) five-time King of the Hobos "Steam Train Maury" Maurice W. Graham died in December.

According to [Larry] Latimore [sometimes known as Hippie Hobo], "Steam Train" didn't just pass away -- he "took the Westbound." As he explains it, "When a hobo catches the Westbound, he's not done at the end of the funeral service. His spirit goes off into the sunset, and you try to continue with his beliefs and philosphies."

Latimore was appointed the engineer for the Hobo Westbound by "Steam Train" over 12 years ago. Now he'll use the title as he carries on the tradition that defined Graham's life.

"The Hobo Westbound is a mythical thing," he says. "It's only amongst the hobos and people who know about their lore, but now you guys know about it -- so, to a degree, I've helped the hobos now."

Thank you, Mr. Hobo. That made total sense.

More on Steam Train Maury from his Wikipedia entry:

"Steam Train Maury" Graham (1917-2006), was best known as five-time holder of the title "King of the Hobos", and was later known as "Patriarch of the Hobos". Born to a broken home in Ohio, he was shunted from father to mother to aunt to married siblings. In 1931, at the age of 14, Graham began riding the rails as a hobo during the Great Depression. He settled in Toledo, Ohio with his wife Wanda in the late 1930s, and worked as a cement mason. In 1969 he returned to the hobo life for another eleven years, finally retiring in 1980.
Maury Graham adopted the nickname "Steam Train" in 1969, when the "Golden Spike Special" steam train came through Ohio, returning home from the 100th anniversary of the completion of the first US transcontinental railroad.

• For some reason, I didn't take much notice of Josh Ritter's 2006 album The Animal Years. Big mistake. Check out these songs — literate, thoughtful and affecting tunes essentially demanding answers over the Iraq war. They are both excellent (and involve Peter and Paul and Laurel and Hardy), though I highly recommend "Girl in the War."

Josh Ritter - "Girl in the War"

Josh Ritter - "Thin Blue Flame"

Women dug his snuff and his gallant stroll

2007-01-04T21:56:00.000-05:00

Today Stinkor made a good suggestion for my inclusion in the Wilkes-Barre Wikipedia entry:

Stinkor: "Throughout the 1990s, the City of Wilkes-Barre was blessed with the wit, humor, and occasional vocal stylings of one G—"

TNOTD: Perhaps, "Though often derided for his gangly appearance and awkward social graces, throughout the 1990s, the City of Wilkes-Barre was blessed with the wit, humor, and occasional vocal stylings of one G—"

Stinkor: "Known at the time for his beardlessness, G— later moved on to the (literally) greener pastures of State College, PA, where he dyed his hair and subsequently met and married Mrs. M—, with whom he now owns and operates a small curio shop, specializing in used miniature dollhouse furniture."

Stinkor also points us to this YouTube masterpiece:

Petulant and spastic, but he ended up a crazy cool Catholic

2007-01-04T18:58:00.000-05:00

And we're back... !

Since my wife (I got married. Deal with it.) and sister-in-law are commandeering my living room for the America's Next Top Model marathon, I thought now's as good a time as any for TNOTD: The Re-Up or TNOTD Part 2: Electric Boogaloo, however you prefer to think of this.

Hey you guys, first of all here's some knowledge for you all since last I rapped at ya:

1. I got married. Sorry ladies, and dudes.
2. The Hold Steady released the best album of 2006, and probably of the century so far. There will be no argument about this.
3. What the fuck are you looking at?

These are the facts and they cannot be disputed.

Hey you guys, second of all, I went down to Tampa, Fla. for the Nittany Lion victory over the Tennessee Volunteers (woo-hoo). Good times on New Year's weekend. I gotta give much respect to Ybor City, where its warm $9 Miller Light Night every night. They got a trolley though, so that's cool.

Seriously though it was a good time, especially when at the post-game press conference, after the Outback (Steakhouse) Bowl rep introduced JoePa, Joe said of his bowl experience, straightfaced "Couldn't get a good steak anywhere. But other than that it was alright."

Hey you guys, third of all, here's some good music (free and legal):

The Hold Steady
• The Hold Steady - "Stuck Between Stations" (acoustic / Live on The Current)

• The Hold Steady - "Chips Ahoy" video

The Shins
• The Shins - "Phantom Limb" (Disclaimer: May not change your life.)

• "Phantom Limb" video

The Thermals
• The Thermals - "Here's to Your Future"

• The Thermals - "A Pillar of Salt" (Best song of 2006)

• "Pillar of Salt" video

Baby come back

2006-12-19T10:46:00.000-05:00

The Nicest of the Damned will return in early 2007 with new and improved wacky hi-jinks, unexpected hilarity and a touching friendship with a sick little boy. Now shut the fuck up, Stinkor.

Further notes on iTunes

2006-03-16T11:20:00.000-05:00

I'm getting married this year and have been insistent that I do not want a wild bachelor party (i.e., no strippers). Also, I do not want any party that would call for the songs involved with iTunes Bachelor Party Essentials.

Fortunately, I don't have friends so simple minded as to A) Take advice from iTunes on how to soundtrack a party, or B) have a party in which "The Thong Song" is played. Seriously who wants to remember something that happened to "Whoomp! There It Is." (No, seriously, it's on there).

So first The Basics: First three tracks are "Where the Party At," "In Da Club" (The clean version, no less) and "Hot in Herrre" (Who's throwing this party, Steve Perry? That reminds me, there should be a show where Steve Perry is given a boom box and enthusiastically comments on songs. I would watch this every week. We need to make this happen, along with the 24-hour "7th Heaven" network called 24/7 and a show where Jay-Z drives around in an '86 Chevy Nova, entitled "Hova in a Nova." But I digress). If you're an average white guy and these are the first three songs you hear at your party, well, there's a problem. You've probably got a big neck and play golf.

But anyway, who fucking plays MC Hammer? Really, even ironically? Also, if you hear "Whip It" followed by "Mama Told Me Not to Come," look around. There's probably a dead hooker somewhere.

Next Steps: "Butterfly," by Crazy Town. I think that says it all. Also, "The End" by The Doors. What the fuck kind of party is this?

Oh, and nothing says "ready to be married" like "We Want Some Pussy" by 2 Live Crew.

Deep Cuts: I don't even know what to say about this. There are five songs to indicate that the party is over (I imagine a choreographed dance to "See Ya Later, Alligator"). There is the indulgently self-referential "Bachelor Party" by Ye-Ye. There is Diddy's "Bad Boy for Life" and Whitesnake's "Bad Boys" to ensure that no matter what you're favorite genre, it's gonna be bad! And by bad I mean incredibly shitty! Then there is a song by a group called Lovewhip enitled "Bombay Booty Machine," which I do not need to hear to know it is my favorite song of all time. For good measure, they threw "It Wasn't Me" in there to up the chances of me vomiting in my mouth.

I just listened to a sample of "Bombay Booty Machine." It is, in fact, the greatest song ever.

In conclusion, iTunes Bachelor Party Essentials makes me feel dirty.

Jesus on the radio

2006-03-06T11:08:00.000-05:00

For sequels to Carrie Underwood's "Jesus Take the Wheel," other things Jesus might take
The trash out
This job and shove it
Me home tonight
It to the limit (one more time)
A little time for himself
Our daughters to work
Surveys online for big money!!!
Grandpa's Mustache in the third at Belmont

• Guster - "Jesus on the Radio"

More than a hustla, he's the definition of it

2006-02-21T10:29:00.000-05:00

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha (and so on)!

The Aristocrap

2006-02-08T09:39:00.000-05:00

I should have a better post tomorrow, with something new for this blog. But for now, I wanted to get this out there.

I saw two movies over the weekend, neither of which were very good. However, the one I was told was bad was better than the one I was told was good, which was just awful. So....

• Elizabethtown - This wasn't nearly the mess it was made out to be. Sure it was way too long. And it was definitely self-indulgent for Cameron Crowe. But it did have it's funny moments, a few moments that were genuinely touching and not ridiculously saccharine, and good music. Final grade: C+

• The Aristocrats - Maybe it was the mood I was in (drunk at 3 a.m.), and maybe I shouldn't be judging it based on the fact I refused to watch the whole thing, but this is almost completely unwatchable. I thought this would be right up my alley, and it had it's moments, for sure, but mostly it's a bunch of second-rate comedians awkwardly mentioning the most disgusting and despicable acts they could conjure for the sake of this "joke." Some high points: the mime, the comedian telling the joke to the guy on the street, and Carrot Top (whom I hate) starting the joke with "A guy walks into a talent agent's office and says I got the act you been looking for. The talent agent says, 'This isn't a prop act, is it?'" Also, Eddie Izzard knowing nothing about the joke and basically being confused by why it would be funny was pretty great. The basic joke is stupid and I guess I'm overthinking it by saying it's internal logic makes no sense. As some comedians pointed out, it works far better as "The Sophisticates," and it only actually works logically if someone is telling the agent about an act they saw, not the act itself demonstrating or telling him. And guess what? Don't believe what they said about Bob Saget's segment. Not funny. In the end, it's the reverence with which the filmmakers and some comedians treat the joke that's really grating. Final grade: D

I could spit on a stranger

2006-02-01T09:33:00.000-05:00

• For a T-shirt?!...

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Peace activist Cindy Sheehan was arrested Tuesday in the House gallery after refusing to cover up a T-shirt bearing an anti-war slogan before President Bush's State of the Union address.

According to a blog post on Michael Moore's Web site attributed to Sheehan, the T-shirt said, "2,245 Dead. How many more?" -- a reference to the number of U.S. troops killed in Iraq

"She was asked to cover it up. She did not," said Sgt. Kimberly Schneider, U.S. Capitol Police spokeswoman.

Schneider said Sheehan was arrested around 8:30 p.m. on charges of unlawful conduct, a misdemeanor that carries a maximum penalty of a year in jail.

She was handcuffed and held in the Capitol building until she was driven to the Capitol Police headquarters for booking. According to her blog, she was released about four hours after being arrested.

Wow! What an awesome use of security. Want to get more enraged? Read Cindy Sheehan's account of what actually happened here.

• On a much lighter note, as my archnemesis the Onion AV Club blog pointed out this involves "the most convoluted celebrity excuse involving Bryan Adams' mansion of all time."

• For no particular reason, other than that I've been coming back to this song a lot...
Pavement - "Spit on a Stranger"

Live a simple life in a quiet town

2006-01-31T10:58:00.000-05:00

Some interesting things in blog-land:

• You Ain't No Picasso continues to be one of the best around. Matt's got the two tracks from the Raconteurs double A-side 7", which get a very limited release in England yesterday. The Raconteurs are Jack White and Brendan Benson with Jack Lawrence and Patrick Keeler of The Greenhornes. The tracks are "Steady As She Goes" and "Store Bought Bones," and you will soil yourself.
According to The Raconteurs official site, the same limted edition 7" will be released in the US on March 7, with the full-length album, Broken Boy Soldiers out in May.

Also notable in recent days at YANP... Another new Bishop Allen song, "Corazon"

• rbally is becoming one of my favorites. It seems like he's got something to get excited for everyday, and I enjoy how he posts lengthy live performance in their entirety, track-by-track, over several days. Especially enjoyable have been the Jeff Tweedy and Ben Gibbard solo shows, as well as a very good quality recent Cat Power show from France, and the latest thing he's working on, a pretty good quality Ryan Adams & The Cardinals show from last summer.

• Honey Where You Been So Long? is a good example of why music blogs can be so great. It's devoted blues and as far as specialized music blogs, it's one of the best you'll find.

• Soul Shower is one I found recently, and it's a treasury of 60s and 70s soul music. Pretty frequently updated as well.

• Good Weather for Air Strikes has had some pretty ambitious undertakings over the past couple months. It's a highly enjoyable site with lots of good music.

• Upon closer inspection, the second video in Death Cab for Cuties Directions, this one for "Soul Meets Body," isn't quite as awful as I originally thought. Still haven't liked either of the videos they've released so far.

Ring-a-Dings

2006-01-24T13:06:00.000-05:00

• I don't know what's funnier about this story: the fact that the teacher did this, or the picture that accompanies the story:
Pa. student says teacher humiliated him over Broncos jersey

• But don't get me wrong, it's not all hoots and giggles when it comes to the Steelers if you live west of Harrisburg in Pennsylvania and are an avid non-Steelers fan (like me). So in the interest of civility and creating an open dialogue, I offer Steelers fans this open letter (my regrets if some words are too big, and that it's not in crayon):

Dear Yinz Guys,

These many years I have come to root against your team. I don't know what it is about the Steelers — The Terrible Towels, the fans' level of obnoxiousness whenever your team wins, the fact that Myron Cope used to do color for your games, your coach's mustache, your 800-pound running back, the roommate I had one year in college who seldom wore a shirt while watching Steelers games and waving aforementioned Terrible Towel — I just don't like them. But I think we can get along over the next week and a half (heck, I even rooted for them against the Cowboys that one year), and even if your team wins, if you do one thing for me...

Please, never, ever again say "One for the thumb." Yes, I get it. The Steelers have four Super Bowl rings and this would be the fifth. But I would like to point out the following:

1. I know you think it might happen, but they aren't going to give you guys a ring. Those things are expensive and are reserved for people who, you know, had something to do with it. Plus, the last time the Steelers won the Super Bowl was in 1980, and thus for most involved with the organization, this will be "One for the Regular Old Ring Finger." So at the very least, you should be saying "One for the Rooneys' Thumbs," which I think actually has a nice ... uh... ring to it.
2. Who wears a thumb ring? That's fucking dumb.

Sincerely,
A Seahawks Fan for Two Weeks

This scene needs a song with rhythm... AND melody!

2006-01-19T16:54:00.000-05:00

I didn't think I'd blog at all this week, but when Jerry Bruckheimer calls with his iTunes Celebrity Playlist, you gotta pick up the phone.

Since my last post on iTunes Celebrity Playlists proved so popular The Onion AV Club stole my idea, I thought we'd go for another whirl.

For some reason, I envisioned a Jerry Bruckheimer Celebrity Playlist consisting of nothing but Kiss, Metallica and Kenny Loggins. It didn't, but don't worry, it's just as awful. So let's break this thing down, as the Bruck-ster creates a new category I like to call "The Inexplicably Successful Celebrity Dipshit Who Lists Songs He Heard on the Radio that Day."

Alan Jackson - "Remember When" - Oh boy. We're in trouble when you lead off with an Alan Jackson song. Jerry says, "A statement on the circle of life. This song is one for the closing credits, as we survey and assess events of our past." Or in other words, "Man, my movies suck."

3 Doors Down - "Here without You" - Even 3 Doors Down was embarrassed that he picked this hokey piece of crap. Says Bruckheimer: "One of the best songs of last year. Great melody and lyrics." So does "Happy Birthday."

50 Cent - "In Da Club" - Moving rhythm and melody…
50 Cent - "Disco Inferno" - 50 is a master of blending rhythm and melody.

Alicia Keys - "Karma"

Bruce Springsteen - "The Rising" - Of all the Springsteen songs, leave it to Jerry Bruckheimer to pick the Bruce Springsteen song equivalent of a Jerry Bruckheimer movie. Big Jer says, "This is a very emotional and interesting song with special rhythm and melodies."

Ciara f/Ludacris - "Oh" - "A one of a kind blend of rhythm and melodies"

Coldplay - "Clocks" - "The band many people are calling the next U2…" And by "people" he means "asshats."

G Clef Jazz Trio - "Bring Me to Life" - This is from G Clef Jazz Trio's (whoever they are) Tribute to Evanescence. Oh, OK. So I guess I hate G Clef Jazz Trio. Honest to God, of all the songs on all the albums in all the world… And here's a fun diversion, let's look at the subject line of customer reviews of the Tribute to Evanescence. I think they tell us all we need to know:
"Ohhhhh this is painful!"
"Good God…"
"How was such a crappy album ever released?"
"Holy Crap"
"OMG!"
"Crap."
"Huh?"
"No Way."
"this sucks hard"
"jesus christ"
"I HATE THIS"
A representative sampling of the 70 reviews, averaging 1 star. Was this review helpful? Why yes iTunes, it was!

Where were we? Oh yeah

Rob Thomas - "Lonely No More" - Says Brucks: "Matchbox 20 meets Sam Cooke…" I have nothing to say about this.

Simple Plan - "Untitled"

Usher - "Yeah!" -- "… The rhythms and melodies make it so much fun."

Billy Joel - "Just the Way You Are"

The Eagles -"Desperado" -- "Is there anything better than the lyrics to this song?" He's being, like, sarcastic, right?

Pink Floyd - "Another Brick in the Wall Pt. 2"

Sting - "Desert Rose" - "This song takes me to another place." A place of violent explosions, graphic crime scenes and pandering, no doubt.

U2 - "With or Without You" - I bet some people are calling U2 the old Coldplay.

Coolio - "Gangsta's Paradise" - "The rap version of 'Pasttime Paradise' by Stevie Wonder…" Uh yeah… or that lame-ass rap that sampled Stevie Wonder. Either way.

DJ Sammy & Yanou featuring Do -"Heaven (Simon & Shaker remix)" - You know what this song needs more of? Credits! BTW, if you listen to the 30-second sample of this song, it appears to be the most ridiculously generic, stereotypical caricature of a techno song ever.

Eminem - "Lose Yourself" - "Believe it or not (and I don't mean to throw out stats) but this is Em's first #1 hit and also featured in an urban movie (8 Mile)." Who needs AMG when you have Jerry Bruckheimer? Am I right, or am I right? Jerry would also like to add that Eminem is a controversial white rapper from Detroit who records songs and sells them on CDs. How about that?!

Rascal Flatts - "I'm Movin' On" - Whatever, me too.

East Village Opera Company - "Un Bel Di Redux" - "Rock meets classical, very powerful and moving melody." Yes, rock meets classical. That's a can't-miss combo. I'm sure I will love it as much as Trans-Siberian Orchestra. Actually, this sounds like Evanescence in Italian.

Josh Groban - (TNOTD: OK, stop right there. Next please.)

Alicia Keys & Lyfe Jennings (Who-the-what-now?) - "People Get Ready" - Not surprisingly, on the soundtrack to Jer's new movie. He loved working with her. Though he doesn't say, I bet he loved her rhythm and melody on this song too.
------------
So what did we learn from Jerry Bruckheimer's playlist? He LOVES songs with both rhythm and melody. And frankly, that's something we can all get behind.

I'm sure Jerry will cry himself to sleep on a big pile of money tonight.

On a somewhat related note, the iTunes Essentials series now includes "Essential Foghat," two words that when put together simply make the greatest fucking thing I have ever heard.

I'm feeling thankful for the small things today

2006-01-13T08:35:00.000-05:00

• Wal-E Weasel & Senor P. Varotti's Special Birthday Song

• The Ramones - "Happy Birthday"

• Ween - "Birthday Boy" (Live 10.10.2003/Denver/Twist & Shout in-store)
Ween - "Birthday Boy" (Live 12.03.2005/Boulder, Colo./Fox Theater)

• Cracker - "Happy Birthday" (Live 11.10.1991/Santa Cruz, Calif./Catalyst)
Cracker - "Happy Birthday" (Live 04.14.2002/Nashville, Tenn./3rd&Lindley)
Cracker - "Happy Birthday" (Live 10.18.2003/Lexington, Ky./The Dame)

• Alphaville - "Forever Young" (X 6 @ The Suburbs Are Killing Us)

Your words seem so obtuse

2006-01-12T09:25:00.000-05:00

• Apparently some people are pretty miffed over the fact they were tricked into reading a whole book, so Random House is offering refunds to buyers of "A Million Little Pieces," following reports that questioned the veracity of its basis in reality. I guess this is what happens when people who adamantly oppose reading are duped into buying a book. Wait 'til they find out the "Left Behind" series isn't really based on a true story. Or "Let Freedom Ring," by Sean Hannity. (OK, so the same people who read these books probably aren't the ones who ran out and bought "Pieces" at Oprah's behest, but the ones who would actually want a refund have got to be cut from the same cloth. Please see the artist's rendering above of another option for disgruntled readers.)
Update: I haven't read this book — I think it seems pretty silly and overwrought — but I'll reserve judgment until I do. Still, does it matter that much what is true and what is embellished in this book? Thanks, Oprah, for once again bringing some goddamn common sense to the discussion. I don't like her show, but I'm with M. Moore... Oprah for President!

• Oh come on now! "Hope Diamond, Berfield's publicist, confirmed the sale Tuesday…"

• In case you haven't seen it yet, What Would Jesus Blog?, where Jesus weighs in on music, movies and more.

• The White Stripes vs. Eric B. & Rakim - "Pump Up the Doorbell" - Mashup guru Party Ben melds two fine songs, White Stripes' "My Doorbell" and Eric B. & Rakim's "I Know You Got Soul," for a fun outing.

• And another thing...: Soul Sides is the very first music blog I ever did see and I think it is one of the absolute best, and for someone who greatly enjoys soul and R&B music, it's an invaluable treasure. Over the past week or so, guest blogger Charles Hughes has been posting on the history of Muscle Shoals, the legendary Alabama town that birthed so much great Southern soul music (Aretha Franklin's I Never Loved a Man the Way I Love You was recorded here, among many other greats.) Anyway check out part one, featuring tracks by Wilson Pickett, the Staple Singers and Jimmy Cliff; part two, featuring James and Bobby Purify, The Sweet Inspirations, and Aretha; and part three, featuring Arthur Alexander and Eddie Hinton.

As a side note, VH1 Soul can go straight to hell.

Self regret that goes unexpressed

2006-01-11T10:40:00.000-05:00

• I was recently recommended the debut album by Brandi Carlile, a 23-year-old singer-songwriter from rural Washington. Frankly, I had no interest in listening to it. Judging by the cover art and the description I got, I was anticipating some turgid, boring Indigo Girls-style folk rock. A bit sexist (and ignorant) to be sure, but I did listen to it, and man was I wrong. With tunes that could hardly be classified in the generic folk-rock realm, Carlile's eponymous debut is full of intimate, passionate and literate songs that stretch into a far artier and edgier realm than many female singer-songwriters, setting her countrified flavor against dark backgrounds. At first glance she might look like a contender for the Lilith Fair circuit, but her songs and her voice share a kinship with Patsy Cline, Roy Orbison and, most notably, Jeff Buckley, whose unique, dramatic and troubled voice she seems to be channeling at times. There's even a little Radiohead, or at least Thom Yorke, in there. The stuff of Top 40 radio? Hardly. A worthwhile listen? Absolutely. (She's scheduled to perform at World Café Live, the excellent program/live venue by Philadelphia's NPR station WXPN, on Feb. 10.)

Listen:
Brandi Carlile - "Fall Apart Again"

• Fuck it. You know what? I don't care, I like Fall Out Boy.

• This isn't funny, because these guys got screwed pretty much from the start of their careers, but here's a headline you don't see very often:
Put a stop to doo-wop imposters, states urged

Double True!

2006-01-09T14:54:00.000-05:00

• Saw this last week and it slipped my mind, but two people emailed me about it today — David Letterman threw down on Bill O'Reilly last week when the big B.O. was a guest on the Late Show. Read more about it and see the video at Crooks and Liars.

Some important quotes...
Letterman (regarding O'Reilly's attacks on Cindy Sheehan): "How can you possibly take exception with the motivation and the position of someone like Cindy Sheehan? ... See, I'm very concerned about people like yourself who don't have nothing but endless sympathy for a woman like Cindy Sheehan. Honest to Christ."

Letterman (regarding O'Reilly's claims of a "war on Christmas"): "I don't this is an actual threat. I think this is something that happened here and it happened there and so people like you are trying to make us think that it's a threat."
(O'Reilly had repeated false claims about a school changing the lyrics to "Silent Night," about which you can read the facts at the indispensable Media Matters.)

Letterman (regarding Bill O'Reilly being Bill O'Reilly): "I'm not smart enough to debate you point to point on this, but I have the feeling, I have the feeling about 60 percent of what you say is crap."

Reminds us of the time Rush Limbaugh appeared on Letterman and Dave asked, "Do you ever just wake up in the middle of the night and think to yourself, 'Am I just full of hot gas?'"

Stinkor says, "I'll never watch Leno again," which makes us wonder why he watched Leno in the first place

• I guess late-night TV has been hitting the mark recently. If you haven't seen it already, go watch "Lazy Sunday" the SNL rap video by Chris Parnell and Andy Samberg in which they rhyme about one epic Sunday trek to see Chronicles of Narnia. I'm super late on this, but it's seriously the funniest thing SNL has done in a long time. You can watch it on the official SNL site here or download it (gratis) from iTunes here. Snack attack, motherfucker!

• Read this incredible, in-depth account of exactly how FEMA became so bungled, from the latest Rolling Stone, co-written by Thomas Frank (of What's the Matter with Kansas? fame) and Eric Klineberg. A pretty gripping (and stomach-turning) story.

The sincerest form of flattery

2006-01-04T13:23:00.000-05:00

Ahem... (third item down)

TNOTD, always ahead of the curve.

Back where the highway met dead tracks

2005-12-22T09:50:00.000-05:00

• Saw Shopgirl earlier this week, and, not having read Steve Martin's novella, I have to say I was pleasantly surprised. It's a witty film that avoids the cliches of romantic comedies, and it's funny and revelatory in places you least expect. Red House Painter and Sun Kil Moon frontman Mark Kozelek is featured in the film as the singer/guiarist of a band called Hot Tears, and they play a couple Sun Kil Moon songs off Ghosts of the Great Highway. I'd never really listened to Red House Painters or SKM before, but enjoyed those songs and tracked down a free download of one of them that's featured prominently (and fits the movie rather well), "Carry Me Ohio," an epic and apologetic track that both musically and lyrically aches with varying degrees of mourning and regret.

Sun Kil Moon - "Carry Me Ohio"

• I love iTunes Celebrity playlists. Sure it offers the opportunity to see what artists I like are listening to, but even better, it lets me mock those artists/actors/blights on society I dislike. So I've broken down the typical iTunes playlists into various categories…

The Witty Intellectual Musician
Defining characteristics: Quality music selections; comments presented with a sense of humor; insightful.
Notable examples:
• Frank Black - His list consisted of 15 Burl Ives songs, proposes a greater meaning and attitude for each than they could possibly have. He never once makes a comment saying, 'Ha ha, aren't I funny for picking Burl Ives songs?'
• AC Newman - Mixes indie with obscure songs in foreign languages -- including Welsh and French pop, late-60s African pschedlic, and some Canadians.

The Actor/Actress with Nothing to Say
Defining characteristics: 'Uh, me like music. Good. Cookie, apple.
Notable examples:
• Rupert Grint (Ron Weasley in the Harry Potter movies): His comments include…
"Smells Like Teen Spirit" - "Kurt Cobain — I thought he was cool"
"Sucker Train Blues" (Velvet Revolver) - "I went to the concert."
"Forgot About Dre" (Dr. Dre/Eminem/Snoop) - "Good lyrics"
It should be noted that his co-star, Daniel Radcliffe had a phenomenal playlist with insightful comments.

• Alexis Bledel (of Gilmore Girls): Doesn't have anything to say and think she's being funny about it.
"Galvanize" (Chemical Brothers) - "For the sake of galvanization.
"So Says I" (The Shins) - "What a good song."
"Sunday Morning (No Doubt)" - "Cause Sundays are the greatest."

• Jennifer Garner - Every comment is "This is a great song." Sometimes it's good to work out to.

The R&B Hip-Hop Self-Preservation Act
Defining characteristics: Artist includes one or more of his or her own songs; usually includes "Billie Jean"; often lists some bizarre, left-field selection.
Notable examples:
• Ginuwine: Led off with a Ginuwine song. Need I say more? Also, included "Billie Jean," and, most-bizarrely some Michael McDonald-Patti Labelle duet
• Reverend Run: Picked two of his own solo songs and three Run-DMC songs
• Jermaine Dupri: Calls his production of Mariah Carey's "We Belong Together," "The Biggest Record in radio history." Leads off with "Billie Jean."
• Akon: Picks two of his songs and trumpets them as "reality music" that "everyone can relate to."

Hey, I'm Funny!
Defining characteristics: Listmaker attempts to prove he/she is funny and hip. Fails miserably.
Notable examples:
• Dane Cook: Is hindered by the fact that he is Dane Cook.
• Howie Mandel: Includes "It Wasn't Me," "Don't Cha," and "Smooth." I won't share any of Howie's unique brand of alleged comedy because I could never do it justice and because, well, haven't we already gone through enough this year?

The Steve Perry
Defining characteristics: Seldom seen former rock star who is Steve Perry; picks numerous Steve Perry songs.
Notable examples:
• Steve Perry - Includes two live Journey tracks, and Steve's own "Go Away." Says he heard Filter's "Take a Picture" at the movies before the film started and "went nuts. One of Filter's very best." Which is kind of like being valedictorian of summer school, I guess. First heard Blur's "Song 2" at a baseball game. "I liked it immediately!" OK!

Also knew TLC's "Waterfalls" would be a hit when he first heard it. He fails to mention he first heard it in 2003. On "Hollaback Girl," "… then I found out it was Gwen, well….. I really love her….. A LOT!" Not creepy at all.

"Hot in Herre" by Nelly - "When I first heard this on the radio, I really liked the, It's getting hot in here I think I'll take my clothes off chorus." Close enough, Steve. I know that song was only played a 500 million times on the radio, MTV, VH1, in movies, at bars, clubs, sports venues, strip clubs, grocery stores, dances, proms, bar mitvahs, first communions, birthday parties and retirement parties. I wouldn't expect you to know the 12 word chorus.

I Am Gonna Make It Through This Year If It Kills Me

2005-12-21T13:43:00.000-05:00

We wrap up The Second Annual Nicest of the Damned Best of today with Disc Five. But first, how 'bout a big hand for everyone involved with the boat show! Our sincerest thanks go out to the Grand Marshall of The Nicest of the Damned Magical Parade of Boats (pictured). Here's a great site to search for all your boating needs.

Before we get to the final disc, a couple quick lists:

Top 6 Songs of 2005
1. Sing Me Spanish Techno (The New Pornographers)
2. Since U Been Gone (Kelly Clarkson)
3. Let It Ride (Ryan Adams)
4. The Denial Twist (The White Stripes)
5. The Art of Everyday Communication Part 1 (The Light Footwork)
6. Do It Again (Nada Surf)

Top 6 Albums of 2005
1. Brendan Benson - Alternative to Love
2. Ryan Adams & The Cardinals - Cold Roses
3. The White Stripes - Get Behind Me Satan
4. Death Cab For Cutie - Plans
5. The New Pornographers - Twin Cinema
6. The Decemberists - Picaresque

Top Day of 2005
June 4, 2005

And now for Disc Five, which includes a stunning protest song in Legendary KO's take on "Gold Digger," using Kanye West's now famous comment as a jumping off point to comment on the response to Hurrican Katrina. It is remarkable how well-written this was. The free and legal release linked to here is the radio edit.

Best of 2005 • Disc Five
1. Two Gallants - Las Cruces Jail (Las Cruces Jail 7"single)
2. Silver Jews - I'm Getting Back Into Getting Into You (Tanglewood Numbers)
3. David Gray - The One I Love [sample] (Life in Slow Motion)
4. The Rolling Stones - Rough Justice (A Bigger Bang)
5. The Harlem Shakes - Eighteen [Download @ The Harlem Shakes official site] (New Demo)
6. Gnarls Barkley (Cee-Lo & Dangermouse) - Crazy
7. Surefire - What Else Could I Say
8. Arcade Fire - Cold Wind [stream](Six Feet Under - Everything Ends (OST))
9. The Mountain Goats - This Year (The Sunset Tree)
10. John Vanderslice - Exodus Damage (Pixel Revolt)
11. Stars - Your Ex-Lover Is Dead [sample] (Set Yourself On Fire)
12. Feist - Mushaboom [stream] (Let It Die)
13. The Legendary K.O. vs Kanye West - George Bush Doesn't Care About Black People
14. Stephen Malkmus - Baby C'mon (Face The Truth)
15. Queens of the Stone Age - Little Sister [stream](Lullabies to Paralyze)
16. We Are Scientists - Inaction (With Love and Squalor)
17. Kanye West - Diamonds From Sierra Leone (Remix f/Jay-Z) (Late Registration)
18. Imogen Heap - Hide And Seek [stream] (Speak for Yourself)
19. Andrew Bird - Fake Palindromes [stream(The Mysterious Production of Eggs)
20. Stellastarr* - Sweet Troubled Soul (James Iha Remix) (Harmonies for the Haunted)
21. Gorillaz - Feel Good Inc. [stream] (Demon Days)

Sing to me in French (or, This is who you are: Five dancing teenage boys who sing their way into our hearts — Backstreet's back alright)

2005-12-20T11:53:00.000-05:00

Things are starting to wind down now as we hit disc four of five of The Second Annual Nicest of the Damned Best of 2005 (and Boat Show). On this disc we have what has got to be the best leadoff track of the year in Brendan Benson's "Spit It Out." We've also got two fine protest tracks that take different angles. "16 Military Wives" by the Decemberists goes the route of the poetic fable, while Bright Eyes' "When the President Talks to God" (which they actually let him play on The Tonight Show) spits sarcasm with every word until the final verse when he asks "Does he ever smell his own bullshit? I doubt it." Also, I'm pretty sure Electric Six's "Jimmy Carter" falls into the political category (though its compounded by references to things such as the Backstreet Boys and electric underwear). And don't be mistaken, it's pro-Jimmy Carter, or at least neutral on the subject.

It didn't get much attention, but I thought Frank Black's new album was great, and I particularly enjoyed the midtempo track here. Ryan Adams' "Let It Ride" was possibly my most-played song this year. And while I played the hell out of the album version of "The Denial Twist," I've started to enjoy even more the White Stripes' new live arrangement with electric guitar in place of piano.

Best of 2005 • Disc Four
1. Brendan Benson - Spit It Out [stream](The Alternative To Love)
2. Bright Eyes -We Are Nowhere And It's Now (I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning)
3. The Decemberists - 16 Military Wives [stream] (Picaresque)
4. Death Cab For Cutie - Soul Meets Body [stream] (Plans)
5. Maxïmo Park - Graffiti [stream] (A Certain Trigger)
6. The White Stripes - Denial Twist (Get Behind Me Satan)
7. Arctic Monkeys - When the Sun Goes Down (Scummy) [stream]
8. Magnolia Electric Co. - Dark Don't Hide It (What Comes After The Blues)
9. Spinto Band - Oh Mandy (Nice and Nicely Done)
10. Electric Six - Jimmy Carter [stream] (Senor Smoke)
11. Sufjan Stevens - Chicago (Come On Feel The Illinoise!)
12. Frank Black - Go Find Your Saint (Honeycomb)
13. Ryan Adams & The Cardinals - Let It Ride (Cold Roses)
14. Shout Out Louds - Very Loud [stream](Howl Howl Gaff Gaff)
15. The Features - The Idea Of Growing Old [stream](Exhibit A (2004)/The New Christmas Wishbook 7" (2005))
16. Ben Lee - Into The Dark [stream] (Awake Is the New Sleep]
17. Okkervil River - For Real (Black Sheep Boy)
18. The Cardigans - In The Round (Super Extra Gravity)
19. Bright Eyes - When the President Talks to God (iTunes free single)
20. Hot Hot Heat - Island of the Honest Man (Elevator)

This is nothing like it was in my room

2005-12-19T15:59:00.000-05:00

Two years ago, if you had told me Kelly Clarkson would be on my "Best of" anything list, I would have called you a filthy liar and spit on you. Though I was happy to see her beat out The Guarini a couple years ago, I never saw "Since U Been Gone" coming. It is awesome, and it is another of the top five songs of the year (and I'll admit, Ted Leo's cover pushed me along with it).

So, here's part three of The Second Annual Nicest of the Damned Best of 2005 (and Boat Show). Again, free and legal downloads...

The Best of 2005 • Disc Three
1. Low - Monkey (The Great Destroyer)
2. Kelly Clarkson - Since U Been Gone [stream] (Breakaway)
3. Blood On The Wall - Mary Susan (Awesomer)
4. Michael Penn - Walter Reed (Mr. Hollywood Jr, 1947)
5. The Decemberists - Engine Driver (Picaresque)
6. Locksley - Don't Make Me Wait (Locksley EP)
7. What Made Milwaukee Famous - Hellodrama [stream] (Trying to Never Catch Up
8. Beck - Girl (Guero
9. Ladytron - Destroy Everything You Touch [stream/download at betterPropaganda] (Witching Hour)
10. The National - Mr. November (Alligator)
11. Okkervil River - The Latest Toughs (Black Sheep Boy)
12. The Blue Van - Revelation of Love [registration required] (The Art of Rolling)
13. The New Pornographers - Use It (Twin Cinema)
14. Coldplay - Speed Of Sound (X&Y)
15. Jim Yoshi Pile Up - Silver Sparkler (Picks Us Apart)
16. Foo Fighters - Best Of You [stream] (In Your Honor)
17. Sorta - Sweet Little Bay (Little Bay)
18. Death Cab For Cutie - Crooked Teeth (Plans)
19. The Deathray Davies - Plan To Stay Awake (The Kick And The Snare)
20. The Hold Steady - Your Little Hoodrat Friend (Separation Sunday)
————————————————————————

In other news:
• Pitchfork's Top 50 singles of 2005 I can get behind most of this... except Antony & The Johnsons at No. 1. I've sort of liked a few songs, but not this one. I don't know, I guess I just don't get it.

• Matt Taibbi's work in Rolling Stone has become some of the most entertaining and insightful political coverage anywhere. I particularly enjoyed this line from his most recent article: "Bush in person always strikes me as the kind of guy who would ask a woman for a hand job at the end of a first date. He has days where he looks like she said yes, and days where the answer was no." Check it out: "The Magical Victory Tour"

I was all woo woo woo

2005-12-15T09:41:00.000-05:00

And now for disc 2 of The Second Annual Nicest of the Damned Best of 2005 (and Boat Show). Perhaps a couple of entries here may be questionable. Sia's "Breathe Me" is an older song, but it was released for the first time to any real exposure on the Six Feet Under soundtrack (and the excellent final scene of that series). And as I stated in the suggestions post, I'm aware the Devin Davis album came out in 2004. But as I stated then, it was open to songs that hit the radar in 2005, and I doubt he was on too many people's best of 2004 lists. This disc also bears a greater proportion of hip-hop and electronica/dance, to which I say, hey, it's hard to strike a balance when you're dealing with 100 songs. Credit where it's due: Leah pointed us to the late entry of beight's "Parallels"... Stinkor's persistence turned us to Herman Dune's "Not on Top"... and You Ain't No Picasso is responsible for calling our attention to The Light Footwork's "The Art of Everyday Communication Part 1" which I would include in the top 10 songs of the year. (Check out YANP's ongoing "12 days of Mixmas" where musicians and others pick 5 songs with a uniting theme.)
•See disc 1 here

The Best of 2005 • Disc 2
1. The Cloud Room - Hey Now Now (The Cloud Room)
2. LCD Soundsystem - Daft Punk Is Playing at My House (LCD Soundsystem)
3. Young Jeezy (f/Jay-Z & Fat Joe) - Go Crazy (Remix) (Go Crazy single)
4. beight - Parallels (File in Rhythm)
5. The Prayers and Tears of Arthur Digby Sellers - Concerning Lessons Learned from the Aliens (The Mother of Love Emulates the Shapes of Cynthia)
6. Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin - House Fire [stream] (Broom)
7. Sufjan Stevens - Jacksonville (Come On Feel The Illinoise!)
8. Devin Davis - Turtle And The Flightless Bird (Lonely People of the World, Unite!)
9. Bloc Party - Like Eating Glass (Silent Alarm)
10. Motion City Soundtrack - Everything Is Alright [stream] (Commit This to Memory)
11. Kanye West (f/Jamie Foxx) - Gold Digger (Late Registration)
12. Chris Mills - Chris Mills Is Living The Dream (Wall To Wall Sessions)
13. Nada Surf - Do It Again (The Weight Is A Gift)
14. LCD Soundsystem - Jump Into The Fire (Daft Punk Is Playing At My House 7")
15. The Light Footwork - The Art Of Everyday Communication Part 1 [Visit You Ain't No Picasso] (One State Two State)
16. My Morning Jacket - Anytime (Z)
17. We Are Scientists - Nobody Move, Nobody Get Hurt (With Love and Squalor)
18. Herman Dune - Not on Top (Not On Top)
19. Sia - Breathe Me (Six Feet Under: Everything Ends Vol. 2)
20. Neil Diamond - Hell Yeah (12 Songs)

Listening too long to one song

2005-12-13T13:26:00.000-05:00

100 songs. 5 discs. It's The Second Annual Nicest of the Damned Best of 2005 (and Boat Show)! Here comes the first disc. Keep in mind, these songs are in no particular order. The best song of the year may be the 10th song on the fifth disc. You'll never know (unless I rank them). I've provided links wherever I could find free and legal downloads, and, barring that, streaming audio.

The Best of 2005 • Disc One
1. The New Pornographers - Sing Me Spanish Techno (Twin Cinema)
2. Bloc Party - Banquet (Silent Alarm)
3. Rogue Wave - Publish My Love [Stream] (Descended Like Vultures)
4. Broken Social Scene - 7/4 (Shoreline) (Broken Social Scene)
5. The National - Secret Meeting [stream] (Alligator)
6. Danger Doom (f/Cee-Lo) - Benzie Box [stream] (The Mouse and the Mask)
7. The Lucksmiths - The Chapter In Your Life Entitled San Francisco [real audio] (Warmer Corners)
8. Bright Eyes - Hit The Switch (Digital Ash In A Digital Urn)
9. Laura Veirs - Galaxies [stream / WMP] (Year of Meteors)
10. Spoon - I Turn My Camera On (Gimme Fiction)
11. Miguel Mendez - Drinking Beer [stream/download at Better Propaganda] (My Girlfriend is Melting)
12. Brendan Benson - Cold Hands (Warm Heart) [stream] (The Alternative To Love)
13. The Killers - All These Things That I've Done [stream/eCard] (Hot Fuss)
14. Of Montreal - Requiem For OMM2 (The Sunlandic Twins)
15. The Cardigans - I Need Some Fine Wine and You, You Need to Be Nicer [stream] (Super Extra Gravity)
16. John Vanderslice - Trance Manual (Pixel Revolt)
17. Heartless Bastards - New Resolution (Stairs And Elevators)
18. Death Cab for Cutie - Different Names for the Same Thing [stream] (Plans)
19. Ryan Adams & The Cardinals - If I Am A Stranger (Cold Roses)
20. Franz Ferdinand - Do You Want To? [stream] (You Could Have So Much More)

Coke Party

2005-12-08T11:49:00.000-05:00

• Coke's new slogan is 'Welcome to the Coke Side of Life' Meet your tour guides!

• Knock knock.
Who's there?
The 48th Annual Grammy Award Nominees!

Funniest joke I heard all year.

They probably don't broadcast the award for 'Best Metal Performance' but they should. What could be funnier than these two scenarios:
A) "And the award goes to 'The Great Satan'" (at which point Gwen Stefani gets confused and walks on stage.)
B) Slipknot winning an award for their performance.

• Gorilla vs. Bear cites Two Gallants in among the Next Great Bands of 2006 on the strength of their new single "Las Cruces Jail."

I've gotten behind Two Gallants in the past, and this new song is thoroughly awesome. GVB says the abrasive vocals are at first a little off-putting, but that is what hooked me on the song. The throaty scream of "I spent last night in Las Cruces Jail…" defines the song as it spits blues-punk brilliance for the next four and a half minutes. New album out in January. Enjoy:

Two Gallants - "Las Cruces Jail"

• Continue suggesting for the best songs of 2005 here

Jesus, Etc.

2005-12-01T08:47:00.000-05:00

In light of Pat Robertson's comments last month, other Jesuses who may still come to the aid of the people of Dover, Pa.:
By Geoff and Wally

Big Baby Jesus
Basketball Jesus (or Basketball Jesus?)
Buddy Christ
Black Jesus
Touchdown Jesus
Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter
Jesus Quintana

•Continue suggesting for The Best of 05 songs here

Best of 05

2005-11-23T11:44:00.000-05:00

• Dear Unwashed Masses: I'm starting to put together my second annual "Best of the Year" music compilation and I thought since this year I have legions of loyal readers, I'd take your ill-informed suggestions. Use the comments [in a serious manner] to name some of your favorite songs from 2005 and we'll just see if they end up on the final tally. The final list, which will be made into a convenient Compact Disc format, will likely include about 100 songs. Maybe we'll even rank them. It will be listed here with links to any free and legal downloads.

Some guidelines: The song had to be released in 2005. If it's from a 2004 album but did not really hit the radar until 2005, it will be considered. If it's a live version released in 2005 of an older song, it will be considered. If it's a live version of a cover of an older song released in 2005 but recorded in 2004, you're just being a pain in the ass. If you include a band with "Wolf" in their name, my eyes will glaze over and I will black out. As with last year, if your favorite song doesn't make the cut, it's most likely because your favorite song sucks.

Whoever comes up with the best suggestions that I had not already thought of, or directs me to something I've never heard that I find worthy of inclusion, you will earn a hearty congratulations and my undying admiration (and probably a copy of the compilation).

•Sorry, I know it's been a long time since I posted anything. I'll get back on track after the holiday (by which I mean Eat A Red Apple Day on Dec. 1). Anyway, I suggest that during your Thanksgiving celebration, you remember those who are willingly less fortunate by playing "700 Hobo Names" by NPR's John Hodgman, author of "The Areas of My Expertise. I personally like #51 Box Car Joe, the Box Car Benjamin Disraeli.

Commercial Appeal

2005-11-16T11:07:00.000-05:00

• Perhaps you've seen this commercial which I've dubbed "The Saddest Fucking Thing Ever." There's this woman talking about how she was mobbed by paparazzi, then blew her savings on stilettos (which is pretty fucking sad in its own right) and then she's going to hire a pool boy even though she doesn't have a pool (which is pretty fucking crazy in its own right). As it turns out these are just fantasies she has while eating McGriddles. Wow. She also owns a cat. Wow. If you knew this person would you not feel sorry for her because she is the most pathetic fucking person on earth?

Not pathetic however is the commercial for the new Ford Fusion, which uses Brendan Benson's "Cold Hands, Warm Heart" (download it from his Myspace page here Note that other recent commercials have employed Grandaddy's "Nature Anthem" [Honda Civic] and Iron & Wine's cover of "Such Great Heights" [M&Ms]. I'd like to suggest The Smiths "This Night Has Opened My Eyes" for the next McGriddles commercial

• Things I heard Aaron Taylor say on ABC at halftime of the Ohio State-Northwestern game on Saturday:

"Chad Henne is close to having the second 2000-yard passing day of his career."

"Ohio State goes to the Big House next week, where Michigan tends to play at home."

A Notre Dame education at work, ladies and gentlemen! (I kid!)

• TNOTD recommends: It gave us a pretty nasty hangover, but the Trippel at Otto's Pub and Brewery in State College was tasty enough (and strong enough… 9.8% alcohol) to keep us coming back for more. Which is a good thing, considering we had this much to take home.

• "Crosses" - Jose Gonzalez This track, all pretty acoustic guitar and gentle vocals, is off Swedish-born Gonzalez's debut album Veneers. Gonzalez comes off as the next in the heritage of powerful, hushed singer-songwriters like Nick Drake, Elliott Smith and Sam Beam.
Bonus: Gorilla vs. Bear has posted Gonzalez's cover of Kylie Minogue's "Hand on Your Heart," , which I've been listening to quite a bit.

You got it all wrong, man

2005-11-11T09:12:00.000-05:00

• From what I've been able to tell, nothing angers God like science. I guess God just hates nerds.

Matt Taibbi had a good-ish field report on the trial of Science v. Crazy in the last issue of Rolling Stone. Taibbi lends a little too much credence to the idea that science precludes faith, but overall it's an amusing take on what's happening. "The essence of [intelligent design's] scientific claims was that biology was just too intense, dude, to be an accident. A local columnist mocked the theory as resembling a teenage stoner looking at the back of his hand and being too amazed to deal."

Also, I'd like to once again point out that the textbook of ID is called Of Pandas and People. And once again I'd like to request that the pandas be left out of this.

• I think "Denial Twist" is the best song on the new White Stripes album, so I was glad to see the kick-ass video the Stripes have just released. It's directed by Michel Gondry, who also did the vids for "Fell in Love with a Girl," "Dead Leaves & The Dirty Ground," "The Hardest Button to Button" (and other cool videos like the Foo Fighters "Everlong" and Massive Attack's "Protection") as well as Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and has never ever done drugs. Anyway, if you're like Stinkor and won't use quicktime, then here's the windows media link (Thanks to the entire Internet, which posted this already this week).

Visit MOKB for an mp3 of the song

• The critics are split on "The Nelson Letters". However, following Citizen Kane, Orson Welles was at once the most admired and hated man in Hollywood, and today is revered as a genius. I feel this analogy is totally appropriate.

The Nelson Letters

2005-11-07T11:18:00.000-05:00

The Nicest of the Damned presents...

The Nelson Letters
A fictional work in the medium of comments
by Stinkor and Pogue du Monts

"…The funniest thread in the history of the Inter-nets!"
--Cap'n Feathersword, The New Yorker

Matthew said…

So Gunnar, what time will your boss let you leave, cause we gotta play that fire hall tonight and I don't want to be late...again. You know how those old ladies can get, plus the mayor of Nanticoke is gonna be there and I don't want to screw this one up. Remember this is a sweet gig. We're playing on Fridays again… Fridays, Gunnar! Soon it'll be Saturdays, and then who knows from there. Things'll pick up big brother. I'm sure Tammy will be sorry she left you when she finds out we're playing the Scranton CYC. Well I gotta get back to work, this douchebag is here every week complaining that I only put one coat of wax on the car. Who gets their car waxed every week? Yeah this guy's gonna be sorry too.

10:07 AM, November 04, 2005

Gunnar said...

Oh no! That Friday gig is tonight?! This isn't gonna work out bra. I cut my finger on the slicer making three beef n' cheddars for this 400-pound bastard who's in here three times a week. I don't know why Kyle doesn't get one of those automatic slicers like they have at every other Arby's in the frickin' world. So my power chord finger is shredded, man. But that's not the half of it! I've got the late shift at Kinko's tonight, and you remember last time how on the day after I called out on short notice you had to come rescue me because that asshole Cliff stapled my share of our flowing blond locks to one of the counters? Just because he missed out on the "Highlander" marathon doesn't mean he has the right to mess up our chances to get back on top. Dude, I miss tammy.

10:36 AM, November 04, 2005

Matthew said...

Christ on a cracker, Gunnar! You've known about this for 3 weeks. You said you'd be able to handle the stress of 2 jobs. You really need to stand up to Cliff. Sure the guy OWNS a lot of swords, but he doesn't know how to use them. Think about what this is gonna do to me. You know I can't face another night on my own. I'd give up my pride to save me from being alone. I've always been like that. Gunnar we've got a plan here, remember? No gigs = no money = I don't get my braces off = no new headshots. Forget about that a-hole Kyle and quit. I'm still getting checks from when I hurt my back. You can move in with me and Krystal. I know you two don't get along, but she dances during the day and if we play at nights you won't even have to see her that much. We can't miss this gig bra. Don't worry about your finger, we'll figure something out.

11:35 AM, November 04, 2005

Gunnar said...

Ok, man, you're right about Cliff. He thinks he's so tough after he beat that assault charge for hitting the bouncer at The Staircase with one of those ninja stars with Bruce Lee's head on it. You saw how scared he was; he didn't mean to let it go and then when he hit that guy he ran away and screamed like a little girl! You're wrong about Kyle though. Where would we be without all those day-old Big Montanas he lets me take home? He did us a solid, and when we make it back to the big time, we can't forget that. So yeah, f' Kinkos. I'll call Tracy and see if she can spot me some money. Maybe I'll have better luck than the last time you asked (remember how she said the "Father Dowling" money was gone, and then she called Tom Bosley "a cheap old homo" before she threw the toaster at you). I've always been her favorite bro and I'm going over there for a haircut tomorrow anyway. Yeah, man, I guess I could deal with that skank Krystal. If you didn't insist that we get each side of a ripped heart instead of the identical tattoos I wanted, she wouldn't have even have noticed I was living there if we timed it right. But I'll do it for the music, bro... It's bigger than you and me on our own, but together, i know we can get that old magic back.

11:55 AM, November 04, 2005

Belushi Believer

2005-11-02T15:32:00.000-05:00

Did anyone else pre-order the According to Jim Soundtrack? I am psyched for this!! I know everybody owns the Jim Belushi & The Sacred Hearts' 1998 debut 36-22-36 and you're probably thinking "Sophomore slump!" (that is, if you're not counting when Jimbo paired with Danny Akroyd, for the 2003 masterpiece Have Love Will Travel). But you know what? If nothing else, I believe in Jim Belushi and his ability to do no wrong. I mean, here's a guy who jumps from working with dogs to children effortlessly. Obviously, everything he touches turns to gold. It was no coincidence that he appeared in the only good Quentin Tarantino movie.

Sure, the Jimster is talented. But is talented a strong enough word? I sure don't think so. First, his music. Oh, Lord, the music! I don't think I'm overstating things when I say he's the greatest bluesman of the late 20th and early 21st century. Second, there are his films. Sometimes, he doesn't even need to appear in a movie to make it completely transcendent. Take Snow Dogs. I mean, I know any movie inspired enough to cast Sisquo as a doctor and feature a Michael Bolton cameo is gonna be great, but Jim's voice as "Demon" carries that movie.

But I have to say if there's one thing that really solidifies his position as the greatest Renaissance man of our time, it's his show "According to Jim." Sometimes when I'm down in the dumps, I know all I need to do is take a look at my taped episodes of ATJ. See, that's what's great about that show. It's not just a show! It's life, according to Jim. And I watch a show and it always seems like Jim's got the answers. It really is like the Bible, but funny. Maybe that's just me, though I'd seriously doubt that. And that's what makes having a soundtrack so great. He takes these blues and R&B songs that I'm sure have some meaning in the context of the show if you think hard about it (I don't pretend to know Jim's ways, and no way am I pooh-poohing a rare Belushi musical offering), and it will instantly transport you to a place where you know all is right with the world and the answer to your problem is easy as pie. Do I think Jim is the greatest man ever? Probably, though guys like Jesus, Abe Lincoln and Roger Staubach were pretty important too. Buy the ATJ soundtrack! I think then you'll understand!

Parents are hiding, our babies are sobbing

2005-10-31T11:03:00.000-05:00

"Open wide, baby bird, because mama's got a big, fat night crawler of truth."
--Stephen Colbert

• "This here is ma serious face. You see this? This means I'm mega super serious. I purse ma lips and furrow ma brow just so ya'll know that if ya mess with this bull ya gonna get the horns."

• Stinkor recommends: The illustrious Stinkor highly recommends Americana/roots singer James McMurtry, whom Stinkor and pal caught at The North Star in Philly on Saturday. McMurtry's got a Steve Earle kind of attitude, which you can check out on "We Can't Make It Here (solo acoustic)" and "We Can't Make It Here (full band)" from his new album Childish Things on Compadre Records. I do have two problems here — they saw a need to bleep out "shit" in the mp3, which is an utterly ridiculous (and childish!) thing to do. Also, he sounds like Shawn Mullins. Nevertheless, I enjoy this very much, and from what Stinkor says, it seems like he's got better songs than this. Enjoy. Rockabye.

• My Old Kentucky Blog has a studio version of the White Stripes covering Tegan & Sara's "Walking with a Ghost"

• Since it's Halloween, go to Fluxblog and listen to the Cadence Weapon remix of that supremely goofy benefit single on Vice Records, "Do They Know It's Halloween?" by the so-called North American Hallowe'en Prevention Inc. Or go to the Vice page here to stream the original, which features the likes of Beck, Arcade Fire members, Karen O and David Cross.

• And finally, The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette has me terrified (look closely)…

Here's some help...

Seriously, though, the story this refers to is actually pretty entertaining: "Defend yourself against the coming robot rebellion"

Maybe you should just sit down

2005-10-27T14:36:00.000-04:00

Put on your helmet, 'cause I'm about to hit you with some knowledge.

• I've only recently started watching "Gilmore Girls," and it's a pretty good show. Anyway, maybe they do this stuff all the time, I don't know, but did anyone else notice the name of one of the DAR women in Tuesday's episode was a nod to a certain Sonic Youth guitarist? Her name: Catherine (?) Thurston Moore.

• A writer on Daily Kos explains in great detail and with stunning effect why the issue of whether Iraq sought to buy yellowcake from Niger is totally irrelevant. As the writer explains, imagine the process of building nuclear weapons as a drive from New Jersey to California. Yellowcake is the Pennsylvania state line. "FYI, should you make to the mid-west, Israel will start launching U.S. cruise missiles at you."

• R.I.P. Jolly Green Giant. As you can see from this official photo, Giant wasn't always merciful. In fact he used to periodically crush the good village folk of the Valley with one swipe of his giant hand and his massive dong. However, by the time of his death, he had come to "stand for goodness," living out his remaining years with his life partner, Lance, who was responsible for Giant's metrosexual makeover, as seen in this photo.

• Fuck it, we'll just post about The Cardigans everyday now. Scenestars.net had two tracks from the new Super Extra Gravity, "Good Morning Joan" and "Give Me Your Eyes" and My Old Kentucky Blog has "Little Black Cloud".

• "Nothing to You" -Two Gallants - I mentioned this James Joyce-referencing duo in passing once before, as I saw them open for Rogue Wave at Zeno's back in February. I didn't know much about them then, except that they were great in a live setting. A guitarist and drummer from the Bay Area, they're blues-based rock is most comparable to the Black Keys I suppose. This track, a building ode to obsession and rejection, is off their album The Throes, which even grumpy ol' Pitchfork went gaga over upon its release in 2004. Also, Gallants guitarist/vocalist Adam Stephens' voice sounds a good deal like that of State College band Katsu's lead singer, Dennis Fallon. More on Katsu at a later date.
Bonus: "My Madonna" - Two Gallants

• "Hellodrama" - What Made Milwaukee Famous - I know Gorilla vs. Bear and My Old Kentucky Blog, among others, have posted about this Austin, Texas band, so I'm behind the times. But who am I, Joe Trendsetter? These guys blend power pop, garage rock and punk with a dash of Radiohead and a pinch of New Wave. This track (which I'm loving right now) and the bonuses are off their debut Trying Never to Catch Up
Bonus: "Almost Always Never" - What Made Milwaukee Famous
"iDecide" - What Made Milwaukee Famous
Poll question: What made Milwaukee famous? (a) Pabst (b)Robin Yount (c)Jerry Lee Lewis

• "Blue Eyes" - Cary Brothers - I heard this song way back because it was on the Garden State soundtrack, but frankly all I could listen to from that was that Colin Hay song. Well, last night, on yet another WB show ("Related"… yeah, well, fuck you) I heard this song, and a second listen made me want to revisit it. In a just world, this would be played at proms and weddings across the English-speaking world. If you like this, visit carybrothers.com where Brothers posts early demos of his songs pretty regularly and has a number of good songs streaming. "Blue Eyes" is off his All the Rage EP.

I am young and I'm alive and I want to talk about things

2005-10-21T13:49:00.000-04:00

• I've noticed on the cardboard slots you stick Hot Pockets (Or in this case, Croissant Pockets) in for microwaving that the good folks at Hot Pocket (or, surprisingly, Nestle, which is their parent company) boast of earning a "Best Taste" award from chefsbest.org. I had to find out who would give a culinary award to a fucking Hot Pocket. As it turns out, American Culinary ChefsBest picks the best of all sorts of mundane food that people like me, Joe Foodbag, eat on a regular basis. Best dried butter substitute? ChefsBest is here to tell you it's Molly McButter. Chocolate covered raisins? You're thinking Raisinets aren't you? Take that shit to the cineplex, dilettante. The true connoisseurs know it's Brach's.

Oh, and by the way, Hot Pockets recommends you serve Hot Pockets at your school cafeteria for grades K-12. At my Catholic grade school our menu included breaded veal, chicken and pork patties, all of which looked almost exactly the same, with the meat colored varying degrees of grey. Somehow, I think that is still a healthier option than a Hot Pocket. [Giving credit where it's due, if you went to St. Nicholas-St.Mary's Elementary School in the 1980s and early 90s, you will certainly agree that the buttered noodles were among the finest dishes upon which your pallate could ever wish to feast.]

• As long as we're on the subject, The Sneeze dug up the government list of all the shit that can accidentally show up in your basic food products. "The Food Defect Action Levels: Levels of natural or unavoidable defects in food that present no health hazards to humans," lets you find out just how many insect fragments, beetle eggs, rodent hairs and, my favorite, mammalian excreta can be in your food.

• From the blogs: Check out this post at Said the Gramophone with two excellent songs, "In the Round," from that new Cardigans album, and the highly recommended (by TNOTD) "Truth or Dare," a blast of Killers-style garage-disco from Swedish band They Live By Night… Meanwhile, Stereogum has another of the leaked tracks -- "The Other Side" -- from the upcoming Strokes album… Fluxblog has posted a super track by Pulp's Jarvis Cocker called "This Is the Night" from the soundtrack to the upcoming Harry Potter & The Goblet of Fire (Update: This track also features Radiohead's Johnny Greenwood and Phil Selway.)

• Rilo Kiley's Jenny Lewis' solo album, Rabbit Fur Coat out in January, will feature a cover of The Traveling Wilburys' "Handle with Care," with guest vocals from Death Cab for Cutie's Ben Gibbard and Bright Eyes' Connor Oberst. Double-bacon geniusburger! (link via largehearted boy)

• Have you seen Tom DeLay's mug shot? It looks like the guy was just named treasurer of the Rotary club.

Tribute

2005-10-18T11:55:00.000-04:00

Following Stinkor's tantrum in the last post's comments, Pogue du Monts sent us this correspondence:

Dear Geoff,

It appears that the Mighty Stinkor is planning on taking his ball and going home. Though I find little humor in his spiteful responses to your posts, I feel he is an easy target, and therefore an integral part of your blog. Although it is not in your character to pander to such a cur, I have personally been able to swallow my pride and attempt to meet his demands. I have enclosed what I believe to be a very fitting tribute to Stinkor. Hopefully this can be of some service to you.

Yours in Christ's Love,

Pouge du Monts

Corn is no place for a mighty warrior

2005-10-14T13:02:00.000-04:00

• If you haven't seen it yet, check out the Teen Girl Squad 10th Issue-versary (Tenthennial Extravaganza)" at Homestarrunner.com. Quotable for years to come. And don't forget, it's "Corn and Corn Alone Day."

• And if you are a Penn State fan, the Penn State Football Story online version begins with the goosebumpin' "Now's Our Chance..." video that they showed just before the game in Beaver Stadium last week. Click on "Gamestory" and wait a minute for it to load (then click the play button). I have now watched it 800 times.

• Stereogum has posted a track titled "I Need Some Fine Wine and You, You Need to Be Nicer," from the new Cardigans' album. I've seen indie types rave about the Cardigans before, though all I ever knew was "Lovefool," which I guess isn't really representative of their other work. This track rocks like Aimee Mann with a full band. But not, ya know, 'Til Tuesday.

• Cat Power - "The Greatest" - Matador has released the title (and titular) track from the upcoming (out Jan. 24) and sorta long-awaited Cat Power album. The album was recorded with an all-star lineup of Memphis session musicians, including Al Green sideman Teenie Hodges. Pitchfork, was all over this already, and they say it better than I could in the 30 seconds I'm devoting to writing this post: [T]his song is Chan Marshall's Dusty in Memphis moment-- an indisputable union of voice and style. Her whispery creaks find solace within the track's natural impressions, swept along by lazy strings, pitter-pat drums, and wafts of guitar. Never forced, the sound rises like long shadows on a lonely weed-cracked sidewalk...

• Airing of grievances: On Tuesday, the Rolling Stones will premiere the video for "Streets of Love" on "Days of Our Lives." ... Excuse me, I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. First off, this song is a pretty good ballad off of A Bigger Bang, though no one's ever going to confuse it with their best work. Second, what bothers me about this most isn't so much that it's premiering on a soap opera, it's more the totally misguided way in which they are selling (whoring) themselves. Granted, it's not like this is the Stones' sell-out moment. That happened many moons ago. It's that they (or more precisely, their label) are so desperate to amp sales that they think the only way to do so is to middle-aged housewives. I'm all for anybody getting into good music, but is this not the most pointless promotion of their career? 1. They don't need the money. 2. Target your audience! U2 does these gimmicks (iPod, special Conan show, "Entourage" appearance), but nobody notices because they're not selling "I Will Follow" as the theme song for "Walker: Texas Ranger" (though, I guess that would be pretty awesome). 3. This is a very good album. Just let it stand on its own merits.

Apparently the song will be used as a theme for one of the story lines in subsequent episodes. I say, go all the way. Bring the Stones in as characters on the show.

Mick Jagger - Dr. Ricard Handsomely, the dashing heart surgeon who has a skeleton in his closet (possible Bowie guess spot in the future, no?). His lady paramours will prove extremely difficult to keep track of.
Keith Richards - Elk Rottington, the creepy old guy who wanders into town and is suspected of some misdeed, when really it turns out he's an angel sent to protect the town from a hurricane made of knives summoned by Dr. Handsomely. The pair will be considered the greatest foils in the history of daytime television, and Rottington's character will show brilliant new dimensions when Handsomely is kinda just hanging out in the background.
Ron Wood - The Bartender, who only shows up once every few weeks to dispense sage advice and most of the rest of the time can be seen in the background with a raised eyebrow. Some viewers may wonder if his talents weren't better used in his earlier work on "Passions."
Charlie Watts - Charles Reedsward Pennington, the stately old man who everyone on the show seems to be related to somehow, is the go-to voice of reason and kindness, and will always be a good guy throughout his 75-year run on the show.

If these balls could talk...

2005-10-13T09:40:00.000-04:00

I don't remember them doing this during last year's playoffs, and I've only watched an inning here and there of this year's, but last night during Game 2 of the White Sox-Angels series, I saw this animated talking baseball explaining what a change-up is in between pitches. It had a crazy cartoon voice saying something like "I'm a change-up. I go [bad trip voice slowdown…. NOW!] reeeeaaalll sloooooow. Blah, blah, blah." I fully expected Tim McCarver to blurt out, "What the fuck was that?" when they came back, but it seems doubtful to me that the broadcast team even knew it happened, as they made no mention of it whatsoever.

My thought is that if you are watching this game you: A) Know what a change-up is. Just about anyone who watches baseball with any regularity has known what a change-up is since they were four-years-old; B) Are not really a baseball fan, but are watching it with someone who could have easily explained it to you; or C) Don't like baseball yet are watching this alone, which is, I'm sorry, really fucking creepy, man. Why don't you read a book or something? The new Harry Potter one is good.

But I guess if this is working out for Fox, maybe they and the other networks could try it out in other sports and more complicated situations that might be educational for regular sports fans. For example, a talking football with the face of a pig and a curly tail could walk us through the Cover 2 or zone blocking during next Monday's Rams-Colts game. Or a punch-drunk hockey puck can come on and explain why some people find hockey entertaining. You know, the kind of stuff that mystifies me, Joe Sportsfan.

(Speaking of the White Sox-Angels game,
the controversial play that allowed the Sox to eventually win it will undoubtedly go down as the most boring spin on the Immaculate Reception ever. And when, in Major League Baseball, have you ever seen that rule exploited? Once, maybe twice in your entire life?)

Hodgepodge

2005-10-12T09:25:00.000-04:00

• One blogger goes in search of the story behind the Classmates.com couple

• Keith Phipps at The Onion AV Club blog explains, why, in spite of her apparently controversy-free performance on SNL this week, it's still OK to hate Ashlee Simpson. "I rob a bank. A few months later I return to the same bank. I don't rob it. It's awesome that I've redeemed myself by bravely returning to the same bank and not stealing anything."

• Jealousy. Revenge. Violence. Depression. Multiple attempts at suicide — All in a bizarre two-week stretch of October, 1930 in the Mickey Mouse comic strip. Mickey's various suicide attempts (with hilarious consequences) are chronicled beginning on Oct. 20, 1930. Interestingly, the strip was done by Floyd Gottfredson but had Walt Disney's name on it. However the idea for a series of comical suicide attempts was among the few ideas Disney actually came up with himself for the strip. (Via the AV Club blog)

• Speaking of suicide, even machines have the ability to kill themselves when faced with crippling depression. Overheard on campus: "My iPod died. I tried loading the new Bon Jovi album onto it and it just stopped working."

• Visit the secret Rogue Wave MySpace page to listen to additional tracks from their upcoming album Descended Like Vultures (out Oct. 25) and download the great track, "Publish My Love." I think this new album's gonna be a winner.

• The new mix at Out of 5 is up. This time around, it's theme is "One Voice, One (Acoustic) Guitar." I was skeptical at first, but they did a great job on this one.

• Like Cake? Like Gorillaz? No? Too bad. Here's Party Ben's "Never Feel Good", a mashup of Cake's "Never There" and Gorillaz "Feel Good Inc." It works pretty well, actually.

• C'mon now, this is just mean. (Other than my personal bias, I really do think it's just mean and not funny, and usually I think this site is great.)

• Check out the Sports Guy column rerun on senior year book quotes. I've long thought that if I could go back, I would have used that quote from the basketball coach in "Teen Wolf." Recently I worked Roddy Piper's "Just when they think they have all the answers, I change the questions!" into an actual conversation. But I think given the context, the best quote here to use would be from former Phildelphia Phillie Von Hayes (who was commenting on fans booing him, but would be pretty damn good for a yearbook quote): "They can do whatever they want. I'll still be eating steak every night."

The defense rests

2005-10-10T15:42:00.000-04:00

Holy crap, Penn State is now 6-0 (and a 3.5 dog at Michigan on Saturday). One of the most awesome, if not the most awesome sporting events I have ever attended. Tough schedule remaining though. And should the unthinkable happen and this team goes undefeated (@Michigan and MSU, gonna be hard) they are going to need a ton of help to get to the Rose Bowl. A bunch of teams could finish unbeaten. I would be shocked if USC didn't win out, even though playing at Notre Dame may be tough and playing UCLA in the final game looks like it could be a battle of unbeatens in the de facto Pac 10 title game. Va. Tech (which still has to play Miami) and Florida State (which got a challenge from Wake Forest for three quarters) could meet in the ACC title game, meaning one of them at least will drop out, though the other can very well go undefeated. And Georgia and Alabama (which still has a few really tough games anyway) are frontrunners to play the SEC title match, knocking one of them out. Someone's got to lose between UT and Texas Tech (my guess is it won't be Texas). However... oh, forget it. The Nits need to win five more before any of this is relevant.

Communist Football

2005-10-06T10:22:00.000-04:00

• It's a big football week here in Happy Valley. I'll reserve comment on the game, so as to avoid the jinx. However, back in August I was reading an article on ESPN.com on the evolution of the passing game in college football, including the influence of BYU and coach Lavell Edwards in the 1970s that included this line:

"Once upon of time, when the handoff ruled the Earth, hard-shelled Michigan coach Bo Schembechler called BYU's offense 'Communist football.'"

Apart from being a tremendously funny assessment, I think Lavell Edwards & The Communist Football would be a terrific band name. Stinkor suggests as the first album title "Bo Schembechler and Other Capitalist Pigs."

Somewhat related, check out "Band Names That Would Be Impossible to Book" from McSweeney's Lists. I think Cancelled Due To Fire and All Ages w/No Cover both make excellent names.

• A little late on this, but television's poet laureate and $25,000 Pyramid Hall of Famer Nipsey Russell has died. A little tribute:

The rhymes were oh so funny
That came from Nipsey's head
But now the laughter stops
Cause Nipsey Russell's dead

• Update: Chris Mills - "Chris Mills Is Living the Dream" - Insiders know why I immediately had to post this song upon seeing the link to the inSound download from largehearted boy. Otherwise, this is actually a fantastic, rootsy-alternative-country song. I hear a bit of Springsteen, and a good deal of Uncle Tupelo. This is from his fourth album, Wall to Wall Sessions, out soon. (Note: This is an automatic download, and it comes in as a .bin file. I just added a .mp3 extension to the file name and it worked fine for me in iTunes. I'm an idiot, so there may be a different way to do this.)

L'shana tovah

2005-10-04T13:47:00.000-04:00

L'shana tovah to all celebrating 5766.

• "The New Year" -Death Cab for Cutie (Live/07.24.2005/Lollapalooza) - Obivously.

• "I'm Getting Back Into Getting Back Into You" - The Silver Jews - Dave Berman formed The Silver Jews in 1989 with future Pavement members Stephen Malkmus and Bob Nastanovich. After Pavement hit, The Silver Jews got confused as a Malkmus side-project, despite the fact they were performing Berman's songs. He apparently had some problems with drugs and booze and what have you , but has returned with the new album Tanglewood Numbers. Berman sings with a deep, country croon and here, with well-placed slide guitar and cheerfully sad lyrics about letting a woman get away, he sounds like an alternate-universe Johnny Cash. One of my favorite songs of late.

Party like it's 1699

2005-10-04T09:40:00.000-04:00

• I've been asked to clear something up. Despite what may be indicated in the blog of The Office's "Dwight," there is no Amish population in Luzerne County (where Wilkes-Barre is) or Lackawanna County (where "The Electric City" of Scranton is). The U.S. Census Bureau cannot technically track religious data, but I've checked out a number of resources, all of which list 0 Amish in those counties. Stinkor noted that Philadelphians think most areas outside of Philly are filled with Amish, when in fact there are far more Amish in the outlying areas of Philadelphia than almost anywhere else (aside from probably Lancaster County and more west-central PA). I mean they did make a movie about it. In the areas around State College however, there are a good number of Amish. And we love 'em.

• Check out Out of 5 a site where every week five people come up with a mix based on one theme and they put it on the site in Flash player and as downloadable mp3s. This week "Covers That Eclipsed the Originals." I don't necessarily agree with some of these (the Ted Leo cover of Kelly Clarkson and the TVOTR cover of the Pixies are both interesting, but I still think the originals are better) it's a great idea done well. (link via Stereogum)

• Since The Hammer's been indicted on two new charges, let's take a quick trip in the time machine to Aug. 18, 1998 and see what DeLay had to say about a guy getting a blowjob and charged with [actually] baseless nonsense (from A21 of the Oct. 4 Washington Post).

"Incredibly, he actually blamed Kenneth Starr for his troubles. He might have well said the devil made him do it. Ken Starr was simply doing his job. He was appointed by the attorney general to look into allegations of wrongdoing in this administration. And we look forward to seeing his report. But this isn't about Ken Starr. This is about a character who lacks the character to tell the people the truth. And it is not just in this instance. It is the pattern of conduct that has stretched from this scandal to many other scandals that have bedeviled this administration... The president should resign for the good of the country."
——Tom Delay, 08.18.1998

"This morning in a blatant act of political partisanship, a rogue district attorney in Travis County, Texas, named Ronnie Earle charged me with one of criminal count criminal conspiracy, a wreckless charge wholly unsupported by the facts. This is one of the weakest, most baseless indictments in American history. It's a sham and Mr. Earle knows it. It's a charge that cannot hold up even under the most glancing scrutiny. This act is the product of a coordinated, premeditated campaign of political retribution [Go on Tom, say it, "vast, left-wing conspiracy"—TNOTD], the all-too-predictable result of a vengeful investigation led by a partisan fanatic.".
——Tom Delay, 09.28.2005

The biggest beet you've ever seen

2005-09-30T13:34:00.000-04:00

• Proof that a trailer can sell you a different movie than the one you'll end up seeing: Someone made this brilliant faux-trailer for "The Shining" that makes it look like a touching family comedy.

• And while we're talking about homemade video masterpieces, check out this video I came across in the spring. Just a guy with a blog who wanted to recreate the video for Loverboy's "Working for the Weekend" with himself playing the part of all the band members. It is seriously one of the funniest things I have ever seen and very well done.

• And speaking of blogs, NBC's "The Office" site has a blog for "Dwight Schrute" (you know, the American Gareth). It's so strangely written as to stay in the character, it's hilarious. As you may or may not know, the American version of "The Office," is set in Scranton, Pa., which is 20 minutes up I-81 from our old home place, Wilkes-Barre. In this entry, Dwight mentions he lives on a beet farm outside Wilkes-Barre. "As most of you know, I live with my cousin Mose on a 40 acre working beet farm outside of Wilkes-Barre. Funny story. Yesterday Mose came in and he had the biggest beet you've ever seen. It was the size of my head (which is the size of a giant beet!). We laughed and laughed and laughed."

• Stinkor alerted me to this excellent rant on Daily Kos on the "laughable protestation" of some regarding the Delay indictment.

• Bishop Allen - "Little Black Ache" - I heard this Brooklyn group via You Ain't No Picasso, an excellent music blog that happens to be named after a Bishop Allen song. The few tracks I got off their official site didn't do much for me at first, but upon further listening, I am really impressed. This stuff is so hooky, it's like it's gotten snagged on your brain. That doesn't sound very pleasant, so here's what Rolling Stone had to say in a four-star review: "If Modest Mouse spent a year in a Chuck E. Cheese ball pit, they might emerge sounding like the delightful Brooklyn quartet Bishop Allen. That's not to say that these indie-poppers aren't a serious band. On their debut, Charm School, the foursome blend sharp, jangly guitars with catchy melodies and big choruses." Check out other tracks off of Charm School on their official site.

I'd open my mouth if I had something smart to say

2005-09-29T09:30:00.000-04:00

A follow-up to yesterday's post on the "intelligent design" trial going on in Harrisburg. This is old, but I thought appropriate, as some folks might not have seen it when it first came out. In the issue of Scientific American dated April 01, 2005, the editors published a tremendously sarcastic April Fool's Day gag entitled "Okay, We Give Up" in which the editors state, "We feel so ashamed," for reporting on science alone as the answer for scientific policy and education. "Where were the answering articles presenting the powerful case for scientific creationism? Why were we so unwilling to suggest that dinosaurs lived 6,000 years ago or that a cataclysmic flood carved the Grand Canyon? Blame the scientists. They dazzled us with their fancy fossils, their radiocarbon dating and their tens of thousands of peer-reviewed journal articles. As editors, we had no business being persuaded by mountains of evidence."

And more specifically related to the ID discussion "Creationists believe that God designed all life, and that's a somewhat religious idea. But ID theorists think that at unspecified times some unnamed superpowerful entity designed life, or maybe just some species, or maybe just some of the stuff in cells. That's what makes ID a superior scientific theory: it doesn't get bogged down in details."

Here are some tunes spinning on the Victrola:

• Nada Surf - "Do It Again" - Not the Steely Dan Song (which is one of the Steely Dan songs I truly could live without). Nada Surf stuck around long enough to become a good band, in spite of having a white guy with dreadlocks in the group. I kid. "Do It Again," off their new, very well-reviewed album The Weight Is a Gift, is excellent power pop, with the bass line lifting it off the ground and increasingly swarming guitars that never overpower the fine harmonies and lyrics, which, I think, really are about doing it.

• Wolf Parade - "Shine a Light" - Everybody's talking about Wolf Parade, so I thought I'd give this song from the SubPop site off Apologies to the Queen Mary a try. It's good and all, and I should hear more, but it seems like the Hype Monster has crawled out of his cave once again. A good song, and I'll reserve judgment.

• Rogue Wave - "10:1" - I enjoyed Rogue Wave's first album, Out of the Shadow, a great deal after I got hooked on "Every Moment". The best touchstone in describing Rogue Wave of that album is obviously the Shins, but it seems as if that sound is branching out on their new album, Descended Like Vultures, which comes out Oct. 25. It seems that frontman Zach Rogue, who had to put together a band to tour the last album which he conceived entirely on his own, has now had his songwriting informed by that full band situation. The result, at least on "10:1" is a harder, slightly dirtier and slightly futuristic, more complex sound. Back in February I got a chance to catch Rogue Wave at Zeno's in State College, where you can basically stand inches away from the band. It was a fine show, opened by a hard-rocking Two Gallants, who deserve their own post. My only complaint is that Rogue seemed as if he just really wanted to get out of there, as it was snowing and they were on their way to New York. They played Zeno's again with Fruit Bats and Chad Van Gaalen prior to CMJ in New York earlier this month, but I didn't catch that show.

• Update: The Pres. has signed an executive order removing prevailing wage standards for construction workers who will rebuild the devastated Gulf Coast — an area that had pretty small average wages to begin with. So, essentially now the people who need to simultaneously rebuild the community and their lives will be seeing a pay cut. This is terrible. Decent pay is the least we can do. Sign the Working Families petition to your congressman, senators and the president here.

Cigarette Blues

2005-09-28T09:50:00.000-04:00

Here we go again — demanding bars ban smoking of their own volition. What a monumentally stupid argument this is. First, if smoking's banned by the state, great, fine, whatever. Until then, bar owners are free to do what they want and are not obligated to anyone to prohibit smoking. Sorry. Don't like it, don't go. Second, cigarettes are bad. OK, we got it. But guess what? They are legal. As soon as cigarettes are illegal, I'm on board. Until that point… tough cookies, Sally. And while we're at it, let's ban alcohol. About 75,000 people die every year from alcohol-related causes (including drunk driving accidents which can instantly kill people who weren't drinking at all, unlike, say, intentionally placing oneself in a situation time and time again that is known to be harmful if given prolonged exposure).

Another thing that riles me is the insane logic behind this. The editorial states that if every bar banned it, competition isn't a factor. Oh, really? And what is to prevent a single bar from deciding they will allow smoking, if only on certain nights. And here's some other choice bits from this piece…

"There are health benefits: non-smokers could avoid second-hand smoke and regular smokers would most likely cut back to avoid going outside, especially in the winter."… Obviously the person or people who wrote this have never even met a smoker, much less been one. Have you ever met a single smoker who would not smoke because it's too cold?

"Patrons wouldn't complain about leaving bars every night reeking of stale cigarettes, and they might even stick around longer at night." First of all, when you leave that smell is fresh cigarettes. In the morning it will be stale. Jeez. And hey, you know what, people stick around now don't they? I mean, bars 'round here aren't hurting. I don't think in the time I've lived here I've seen a bar go out of business, much less a bar owner crying, "These damn non-smokers are ruining me!" This is a bullshit argument. Plenty of non-smokers go to bars now. Want to effect a real change? STOP GOING! Holy crap, if you don't like something, don't do it. At best, it will hit the proprietors in the pocketbook and you'll get your way. At worst, you're not doing something you profess to hate so much. Most rights and privileges in this country were gained through some sort of struggle. Sorry, you might actually have to do something.

"And while some smokers might drink less if they're not smoking, they could also spend less money on cigarettes, meaning there's more alcohol money." Oh my God, my head just exploded. Hey, I'm all behind the money thing. I know now having that extra money makes a little difference. But uh… "smokers might drink less"… "more alcohol money"… That made so little sense, I'm crying now. "Seriously, dude, I know you don't want to drink now, but you've got all this booze money, so chug it, bitch." Yes, let's replace cancer with cirrhosis.

****
Anyway, in other news...

• CMJ has listed the 25 most influential artists on college and non-commerical radio in the past 25 years. A nerd's dream.

• If you're like me and own a truck load of useless baseball cards from the 80s, you'll appreciate "Worthless Baseball Cards and Their Untrue Facts". "Pete Vuckovich once ate a baseball like an apple to intimidate the opposing batter."

• Gorilla vs. Bear is a music blog I haven't mentioned yet, but it's a pretty good one. This week he's got recaps of the Austin City Limits festival.

• Making Pennsylvania proud...Over near York, they've lost their minds. The Daily Record columnist here does a nice job of putting this insanity into perspective and aptly sums up this trial. "One — evolution — is science, which is what science teachers teach. The other is not... School board member Bill Buckingham, for instance, criticized biology textbooks for being 'laced with Darwinism.' Considering evolution is a guiding principal of biology, that makes sense." Also, school board members there would just have to fire science teachers who see the merits in, ya know, science. I also learned in another report from this trial that one of the guiding texts of "intelligent design," (which we can only assume is an ironic name) is called "Of Pandas and People." Just thought I'd throw that out there.

• Sports Guy interviews pop-culture guru Chuck Klosterman. Part II coming later today.

• Update: Hammer time! Will be interesting to see how the media plays this. I'm waiting for the cacophony of shrieks from the right that this was a political witchhunt by the Democratic DA Ronnie Earle. And I am waiting to remind them that, last I checked, indictments are issued by grand juries, not district attorneys. And also that Tom Delay is really creepy.

It's star time!

2005-09-22T10:29:00.000-04:00

Someone noticed us!

Thanks, Dodge!

After I had the idea to defend Hootie in an attempt to be funny (have you stopped laughing yet? probably not!), I realized two things: 1) Hootie really isn't all that poorly reviewed and 2) Hootie has a pretty strong fanbase. Still, Hootie is a punchline for many, rendering my point not totally moot. But anyway, I've changed my mind. Fuck Hootie.

We've spent entirely too much time talking about Hootie here.

Sweet tea update: Holy crap, look what Lipton's gone and done — Extra Sweet Tea. The jig is up, American South. We've got it all figured out now. Homemade tea + wheelbarrow of sugar = Sweet tea. (Previously: "Song of the South")

Quote of the Year: ( via Sports Guy's Quote of the Day Archive) Britney Spears, on her new fragrance "Fantasy Britney Spears"...
"A completely magical bend of enchanting scents and flavors, with a hint of cupcakes."

In defense of Hootie

2005-09-19T12:25:00.000-04:00

I was going to review the new Rolling Stones album today. Instead, however, I'd like to take this time to talk about Hootie & The Blowfish.

I started thinking about Hootie when I read the Rolling Stone review of their new album, Looking for Lucky, which while kind enough to give it 2.5 stars, seemed pretty unnecessary. Our student paper in town here, meanwhile, gave it a more tepid welcome. None of the reviews I read really go far beyond saying, effectively, "about as good as Hootie gets." Then, on a syndicated repeat of a 2001 Simpsons episode, I noticed Chief Wiggum saying that a Hootie cassette was "cheaper than blank tape." Frankly, I wonder, aren't we being too hard on Hootie? (Full disclosure: All Music Guide gave the new album 3.5 stars, which is all relative, as they like everything. E.g., Five Cannibal Corpse albums get 3 stars or better; Winger's debut album gets 4.5 stars; Five Cinderella albums get 3 stars or better. I could go on…)

Let's face it, Hootie is (unfairly) a punchline now. While my defense is purely academic, as I have no personal interest in the Hoot, I wonder where this Hootie Hate comes from. Who did Hootie ever hurt? No one, that's who. Sure, Hootie's music is bland and pedestrian… but didn't Hootie bring joy to millions in Hootie's prime, while offending no one's sensibilities in particular? Hootie even made that wonderful Burger King commercial about the El Dorado where breasts grow on trees. And that's something we can all get behind.

And now, I feel Hootie is in such a place that if you don't have something nice to say about Hootie, don't say anything at all about Hootie. HOOTIE'S DOING THE BEST HE CAN, OK?! Hootie just wants to put on some shorts and a baseball cap, maybe play some golf, and find someone to hold Hootie's hand. Now is that hurting anyone?

Moving up slowly

2005-09-15T16:01:00.000-04:00

Overheard on CNN, an anchor introducing Hurricane Ophelia coverage:

"What it lacks in strength, it makes up for in inertia."

And thus was written the first line of my biography.

Other People's Funny

2005-09-15T11:41:00.000-04:00

• "My Super Sweet 16" has Ted Leo a little riled up.
"Dear God -- WE ARE FUCKED!!"

• I can't say enough about how great "Real Time with Bill Maher" has become. The discussions on the past two shows, largely about the effects of Hurricane Katrina, have been the best discussion of this disaster you could find. Aside from "The Daily Show," "Real Time" is without peer as far as topical comedy shows go. Transcripted highlights and "New Rules" are archived on the show's HBO site here
"Herbert Hoover was a shitty president, but even he never conceded an entire metropolis to rising water and snakes."

• Sports Guy on ESPN Page 2 has a new mailbag this week, always one of the most entertaining features of his site. Among the highlights: "How far did Zack Morris get with Kelly Kapowski?" and "Why didn't Forest Gump get an HIV test?" SG's answer to the latter:
"Wait a second ... that was your biggest issue with Forrest Gump? What about the scene when he ran back and forth across the country for 18 months, and we never found out how he ate, slept or went to the bathroom? You were fine with that sequence, but you're demanding a Forrest Gump HIV test?" (TNOTD notes: I just assumed he lived off the largesse of strangers.)

• The Sneeze is one of the best humor sites around, probably because it's just one guy with a great sense of humor (unlike this site, which is produced by 10 angry German women). This is clever and hilarious. Also, check out Steve's trademark, Steve, Don't Eat It! They are all pretty great, but this bit from the installment on natto (fermented soybeans) stands out:
"The natto was coated in some kind of sick slime and had the complex yet playful aroma of a dumpster in July... Actually, the little pile inside looked kinda like baked beans. It also smelled kinda like baked beans. If they were baked in the filthy heat of Satan's asshole."

Meanwhile, here are some records we've been listening to and enjoying…
• My Morning Jacket - "Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You" (via GlideMagazine.com) - Kentucky-bred Southern rockers cover Dylan classic at this year's Bonnaroo. What I've heard from MMJ's upcoming album Z sounds excellent.

• Arctic Monkeys - "Scummy" - These guys are gonna be huge. Mark it down. I said mark it. They had significant buzz on the Internets before they got signed to Domino Records in the UK in June and they've got super-sharp lyrics to go with a sound that melds punk and Brit-pop into incredibly catchy songs. Our pal Wally managed to wrangle up 19 demos and live performances into a convenient "Compact Disc" format after I played "Scummy" for him and he determined that it, inarguably, rocks out (cocks out optional). "Scummy" (here from the Domino site) remains my favorite, but they've got a lot of great songs.

• Limbeck - "People Don't Change" - California-based quartet Limbeck recalls Big Star and The Replacements at times, as well as rootsy power-pop heavy-hitters like Tom Petty, but the biggest debt owed here is to alt-country pop like The Jayhawks and early Wilco. In fact, especially early Wilco. This song is the lead track from their new album, Let Me Come Home on Doghouse Records. Breezy, melodious and eminently enjoyable.

Song of the South

2005-09-13T09:53:00.000-04:00

And we're back!

Returned from NC on Sunday. I love the South... it's beautiful and charming and wonderful. That said, I think I should offer these two notes on behalf of northerners...

• Yes, in fact we are familiar with the idea of sweetened iced tea. No, seriously, we are. I swear. (Update: No one knows what I'm talking about, so I should explain, the South is quite proud of its "sweet tea," which, believe it or not, is totally available in all parts of the country. What you do is take homemade "iced tea" and put a bunch of sugar in it. Amazing, I know. You may happen upon Lipton iced tea in a glass bottle with a blue label that says "sweetened, no lemon," which approximates this cultural phenomenon quite well. Tough to find though, as it's only been around for about 20 years. Southerners, however, seem to be unaware that we caught on to their little game. Anyway, it's much better than putting a D battery and ketchup in your iced tea like I used to do, back before I found out about "sweet tea" and everything.)
• At a certain age (may I suggest 12), you really ought to stop calling your father "Daddy." Unless it's in a country or southern rock song, which is fine.

Completely unrelated, Stereogum's got a very cool track by Miguel Mendez, "Drinking Beer," posted. Check it out here. Reminiscent of Elliott Smith, with a touch of Iron & Wine.

NEPA rocks

2005-09-08T09:23:00.000-04:00

Oh, Northeast Pennsylvania! Sure, I leave and you develop a music scene. One which consists of neither cover bands nor polka, anyway. I've come upon a couple bands which I've noticed on the line-ups at the weekly Roustabout! here in State College that happen to hail from my home area. Both of them — Scranton's Okay Paddy and Wilkes-Barre's The Sw!ms — are on the Prison Jazz label, which is, impressively, based in The Electric City, Scranton, Pa. And a pretty good label name I might add. When did all this happen? When did you up and produce something cool, darling NEPA? I know I left you cold and hungry all those years ago, forsaking you for greener pastures while you cried and pulled out what remained of your hair and screamed "NO! NO! What about little Joey?" How did little Joey grow up so big? Does he remember me? Do you? Remember that time on the roof of Boscov's when Marty threw the gumballs and the priest told on us? I don't know, we were kids.

Sorry, got a little sidetracked there. Anyway, Okay Paddy is sunny '60s indie pop with a healthy dose of Malkmus (late-era Pavement), as witnessed by these tracks off their 2004 album Hunk from Prison Jazz's site
• "Quell Down All Your Mushy" - Okay Paddy
• "Fretboard" - Okay Paddy

And as for The Sw!ms, it's heavily indebted to '60s psych pop, as much as the Shins and the like. Very well-constructed, joyous, and instantly likeable. And did I mention they're from F'in Wilkes-Barre?! Enjoy, from the Snack Food Junction 7":
• "Depth Charge" - The Sw!ms

And from the band's debut, eponymous EP
• "The Noid" - The Sw!ms
• "Jon vs. Tron-Bon" - The Sw!ms

Meanwhile, Dodge who runs the excellent and well-titled My Old Kentucky Blog posted links to a few tracks from the new Rolling Stones, A Bigger Bang, out on Tuesday. Check 'em out here. (And, why not take a look around at some of Dodge's other posts? It's a good site, and usually focuses on some more indie/lesser-known stuff.)
You can listen to the whole of A Bigger Bang on the official Stones site here. It's already being universally acclaimed. Rolling Stone gave it 4.5 stars. I noticed in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette today it got 5 stars. And in my opinion, it is awesome. Best work since the '70s. And, as I usually do, I love the Keith track, "This Place Is Empty."

Little Buddy!

2005-09-07T12:17:00.000-04:00

Bob Denver, TV's Gilligan, dies at 70

But he'll always be Maynard G. Krebs to me. Anyway, a Walt Whitman-aping tribute from Marty, who always held Bob Denver in as high regard as Whitman did Abraham Lincoln:

Oh, Skipper! My Skipper! Our three hour tour is done;
The ship di'nt weather worth a crap, though the island sure was fun...

O CAPTAIN! my Captain! our fearful trip is done;
The ship has weather'd every rack, the prize we sought is won;
The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,
While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring:
But O heart! heart! heart!
O the bleeding drops of red,
Where on the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.

One from the vault

2005-09-04T12:32:00.000-04:00

It’s not often I spend a Friday night at home alone, so several months ago -- Super Bowl weekend-- I thought I’d chronicle my night of television watching. The result? Two and a half hours of awful. Enjoy some of these highlights! I didn’t.

8:16
PBS – Washington Week - People I don’t know discussing things I frankly can’t bring myself to care about on Friday night.

8:17
ABC – 8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter – This show’s still on? Wasn’t this a John Ritter thing? Tonight’s episode appears to be a direct ripoff of “Freaky Friday.” Original! Katey Sagal is the mother. Somehow after “Married with Children,” and a voice on Futurama (some say sexiest cartoon Cyclops ever), she has ruined her career in the three minutes I have just watched.

8:21
NBC – Dateline – A better title might be “The talking about old murders while using overly dramatic musical flourishes show.” On second thought, Dateline is probably better.
Actual line by Stone Phillips from the show before commercial break: “Case closed. (pregnant pause). Or was it?” Awesome.

8:24
CNET – Borough council dukes it out with borough manager over location of a new public pool. A sexy thriller with an ending you won’t want to miss. Where will you pee next summer? Don’t fall asleep yet!

8:26
Fox – Bernie Mac – I don’t get it. Bernie Mac is funny. His show is not. I think his best work is in supporting roles and stand up. He’s like the great college point guard who without him the team would never make the final four, but he just doesn’t have what it takes to make the NBA, so he ends up playing in the CBA or in Europe. Or possibly some simile that actually makes sense.

8:30
CBS – The Greatest Commercials from the Super Bowl – Yes, you read that correctly. Pat O’Brien (this apparently as close to sports as he gets anymore) hosts a show with someone named Vanessa Minillo highlighting classic and some upcoming Super Bowl commercials and ones from around the world. An hour-long show about commercials. Right now: actual commercials. Excuse me, my head just fell off.

8:32
EWTN – The World Over – Surprisingly, not about the coming apocalypse. Instead, bearded priest and author of bullshit book discuss bioethics. Apparently, they had no time to book an actual doctor.

8:33
QVC – For Race Fans Only – We have a winner in the “Most Hilarious Waste of Money,” contest. Also, the host has some of the weirdest hair I’ve ever seen. He’s got the horseshoe balding pattern, but way too much growth where the hair actually is, so it looks like his hairline is giving birth to the rest of his head.

8:36
CNET Ed. – I have no idea what this show is. It is entirely in German, set at a high school and there is a running clock counting up in the corner. They just said something about a disco. BTW, this is local public television airing something in a foreign language with no subtitles. Also, I can’t tell if this is from the early 90s, or just that’s the way Europeans look and dress. Is that what German school buses look like? That’s weird.

8:38
Fox Sports – Poker – Just when you think Fox Sports can’t come up with any more reasons for you not to watch (thanks, Tom Arnold, Max Kellerman) we get a card game between some guy who looks like an Italian porn financier and a guy dressed from head-to-toe in Maple Leafs gear. (Side note: Why isn’t it Leaves?)

8:41
ESPN – NBA, Dallas vs. Indiana. – Pacers beating Mavs. Could be worse… they could be showing a fucking card game. Or hockey.
The guy calling this game with Steve Levy just said, following a Jermaine O’Neal score “Somebody call the abuse hotline.” Oh, snap! Somebody call the Clever Hotline!

This unknown commentator just said, following a replay of a block, “Like Jeremy Irons in ‘My Left Foot,’ that was ‘My Left Hand.’” Ohhhhhh, score! Except, it was Daniel Day Lewis, not Jeremy Irons, in “My Left Foot.” And also, that analogy made no sense whatsoever.

8:48
ESPN2 – Pool – All the excitement of Poker, but with lots more Freudian issues to work around.

8:53
PCN – Pennsylvania high school basketball – Maybe poker’s still on.

8:54
Discovery – American Chopper – I have no idea what these people are talking about.

8:54
The Learning Channel- Clean Sweep – You know what there just aren’t enough of? Home makeover shows,

8:55
WB – Reba – Hmmm… The Program Guide on my cable says this is comedy. Perhaps they got something mixed up. Seriously though, this show is almost as good as Reba’s music!

8:59
CSPAN – The Iraqi Ambassador to the UN is giving a press conference and his cell phone goes off. “Excuse me for one moment please…” then he just puts it down and acts like nothing happened. Seriously, that was real. Also, this guy sounds like someone faking an Iraqi accent, and now he’s speaking Arabic. You are correct in assuming this is the greatest thing I have ever seen.

9:01
Fox News – Hannity & Colmes – Hannity talking with J.C. Watts. It’s Super Bowl weekend and Black History Month, so I guess they figured they’d kill two birds with one stone. J.C., I believe, is the President of the Oklahoma Black Republicans Club. Membership: J.C. Watts.

Hannity cuts into the middle of a Bill Clinton speech from 1998 and says Clinton said the same thing GWB is saying about Social Security. Of course, in that clip, Clinton didn’t say that at all. Here’s what Colmes jumped in with to correct Hannity:

(crickets chirping)

9:07
CNN – Larry King – Snoop’s on talking about being sued for millions over alleged rape. Snoop said he doesn’t drink alcohol. The man who performed Gin & Juice does not drink. Your world is crashing down around you.

9:14
CNBC – Dennis Miller – Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dennis Miller. Dennis Miller who? Exactly.

Or: Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dennis Miller. Dennis Miller who? Shut the fuck up, Dennis Miller.

9:17
MSNBC – Hardball – Some piece about a prison. Fingers crossed for a Tossed Salad Man appearance.

9:18
Country Music Television – “The Great Outdoors” – Hmmm, I thought this movie was a little funny, but it’s on CMT, so I must have been thinking of something else.

9:20
VH1 – Celebrity Fit Club – First of all, we’re throwing around the term “celebrity” a little loosely here. Second, hey let’s laugh at fat people while they try to lose weight. That would be hilarious.

9:23
E! – True Hollywood Story – Well, there’s no awards show tonight to judge the guests dress at, so what else were you expecting? This is a 2-hour one on porn star Ginger Lynn. Seriously.

9:25
Animal Planet – Venom ER – There’s a show about people getting bit by snakes. I’m not kidding. Why was I not informed of this? A more appropriate title might be “You Get What You Deserve,” but hey, the fact that this show even exists is a triumph.

9:31
AMC – “The Golden Child” – Speaking of throwing around words too loosely… It’s American Movie Classics.

9:33
Lifetime – “Her Married Lover” – Does not star Meredith Baxter-Birney. Or anyone else you have ever heard of.

9:35
Nickelodeon – Fairly Oddparents – Fairly retarded.

9:36
Cartoon Network – Atomic Betty – If I smoked pot and never talked to girls, this show would be awesome.

9:37
Disney- “Remember the Titans” – Through hard work a black man single handedly changes the racist attitude of an entire city. Just like in real life.

9:38
TNT – “Donnie Brasco” – I have nothing sarcastic to say about this movie. The Dennis Miller Net Zero commercial is another story. “My name is Dennis Miller, and I’m a shameless whore.”

9:40
FX – Fear Factor – Because “Lowest Common Denominator” was too long of a title.

9:41
Comedy Central – Comedy Central Presents Gene Pompa – He just used the word “precarious.” Half the audience just changed the channel.

9:42
Sci Fi – Stargate Atlantis – They make these shows for like 13 guys who actually watch it, right? BTW, production values? Phenomenal!

9:44
Spike – Untold: Terry Bradshaw- The untold story of my least favorite sports personality. Wow, he freaked out and wouldn’t come out of his dressing room before the 1999 Super Bowl. Howie Long had to talk him down. I couldn’t make this up. Well, one thing’s for sure: He’s no Norman Einstein.

9:46
TV Land – Leave It to Beaver – “Beaver needs a ride.” I’m not kidding, this line was actually uttered.

9:49
Pax – “Fatal Instinct” – Armand Assante + unfunny Carl Reiner parody = Pax Network Gold

9:50
Travel Channel – Dreaming Big – A show about homes made of or on ice. I hope to see some of these people on Venom ER in the near future.

9:52
History Channel – Mail Call – Something about tanks, with the drill sergeant from Full Metal Jacket. But have you seen the Joe Torre-George Steinbrenner Visa commercial? Excuse me, I need to go punch a baby.

9:55
Home & Garden – Design Remix – A home makeover show. Note to self: Be more careful with your sarcasm.

9:56
DIY – “Classic Rides” – First, I didn’t know this channel existed. Second, making your own gas tank looks quite easy! I’m sure I could do it quickly, and it should be totally safe.

If this guy says “buffing” one more time, I might have to kick something.

9:57
Oxygen – “Mo Better Blues” – I would like to see the look on Spike Lee’s face when they tell him his movie’s being played on Oxygen.

9:58
Style Network – How Do I Look? – Honestly? You need a nose job.

Also, I had no idea this channel existed.

10:07
Weather Channel – It’s going to be cold and gray and it’s going to last the rest of your life.

10:08
Local Weather Radar – Still more interesting than Poker.

10:09
Home Shopping Network – This woman has done air quotes three times in 15 seconds.

10:10
ESPN Classic – NFL Films Theater – For the guy who wears sports jerseys in public and has already finished masturbating for the evening.

10:11
National Geographic – “Cats” – This isn’t a musical!

10:12
Biography – “The Green River Killer” – A feelgood story for the ages.

10:12
History International – World Justice – A look at the Russian mob. You know, the guys who framed O.J.

10:14
BBC – Persuaders – Oh, I’m sorry, I nodded off there. Anyway, this has Roger Moore rocking a full-on 70s porn star look. And Tony Curtis. Oops, sorry I must have accidentally changed the channel.

10:15
Bloomberg News – They have five different graphics on the screen, none of which makes any sense to me.

10:16
G4TV – This is the video game channel. Are you 14 years old? Do you have no prospect of getting laid for the next 10 years? Let’s talk.

10:17
Wisdom – Living Right – I don’t know the purpose of this channel, but it has a large bald man with a big beard cooking chili while wearing a purple apron with “Wild Oats,” in yellow print. A dash of salt, and a pinch of I don’t give a fuck.

10:19
Bravo – Tommy Boy – “Lots of people go to college for seven years. Yeah, they’re called doctors.” Honestly, if I weren’t doing this, I’d be watching this movie.

10:20
IFC – Dinner For Five – I like this show a lot. And this episode has David Cross. I may need to take a few minutes here.
10:25 – David Cross just said Fox’s new logo is a farting 300-pound man with a bag of popcorn. You had to be there,

10:26
Turner Classic Movies – “The Farmer’s Daughter” – That title is totally misleading. This movie has no girl in Daisy Dukes who seduces a drifter. Not worth my time.

10:27
Fox Movie Channel – “Road House” – What is this, false advertising night? Patrick Swayze isn’t in this.

10:30
Lifetime Movie – “Double Standard” – Story about a judge who’s a bigamist. Lifetime, any standards would be a start.

10:31
WE - Full Frontal Fashion – Again, this is not what you think.

10:32
Disney Toons – Spider-Man – Shockingly, this one actually does feature full frontal nudity.

10:33
Nick Games and Sports – Pumping GAS – Kids tearing a set apart looking for something but they don’t know what it is because they didn’t understand the clue. The clue: “When Rover got angry, he got hot under this…” These kids have the misfortune of being ugly and dumb.

10:36
Gameshow Network – World Series of Blackjack – Still more interesting than poker.

10:37
Ovation – Kodo at the Acropolis – Half naked Japanese men playing instruments in odd positions. I have nothing to say about this.

By the way, I started drinking,

10:38
VH1 Country – No, this doesn’t suck. Not at all.

10:38
MTV2 – Viva La Bam – Viva La Accidental Dismemberment!

10:43
Fox Sports World - Poker on one Fox Sports, soccer on another. Their goal, apparently, is to be a visual sleeping pill.

10:43
Golf Channel – Kill me.

10:44
Speed Channel – Hey, let’s look at James Dean’s gruesome car wreck from every possible angle over the course of an hour.

10:45
The Outdoor Channel – Turkey hunting- Finally something I can relate to.

10:45
Outdoor Life – We need two Outdoors Channels. Really, we do.

10:46
Fitness Television – Might as well be broadcast in Chinese.

It's hard to live in a basement

2005-09-02T11:36:00.000-04:00

• Devin Davis - "Iron Woman"
Devin Davis - "Turtle and the Flightless Bird"
Devin Davis - "Desert Eyeland"
Devin Davis seems to be an indie rock nerd who wears his influences on his sleeve — most noticeably Springsteen, Guided By Voices — to excellent effect. His latest album, Lonely People of the World, Unite!, is, as you'd suspect and ode to loneliness, with Davis assuming different characters through 11 poetic, hooky tracks. I've been listening to these three songs incessantly this morning.

• Foosball's the devil: Our beloved Nittany Lions open the 2005 season Saturday afternoon against South Florida at Beaver Stadium. FightOnState.com has the best Penn State football coverage you'll find anywhere, so check it out if you're interested. As for my expert analysis, the Bulls don't offer much of a challenge for the Nits, but they show a lot of different faces and it should be a good game for Penn State to get things together. Last I looked PSU was giving 22. I don't think the O-line will be ready enough for PSU to put up a great offensive display, but it should be somewhat of a blowout nonetheless. Look for the phenomenal D to score a couple on their own. My prediction: Nits 27, Bulls 10.

You could learn something from rats

2005-09-01T10:49:00.000-04:00

Here's some new stuff that's playing on the hi-fi at the NOTD ranch...

• Jim Yoshii Pile-Up - "Silver Sparklers"
I only recently learned of Jim Yoshii Pile-Up, an Oakland, Calif.-based indie rock quartet which has released three albums on the Absolutely Kosher label (newest home to one of my faves, the Wrens). Apologies to whichever blog I visited that turned me on to this song, which is off their newest effort, Picks Us Apart, released in late July. There's nothing to dislike about this song. There's a slight urgency in the music, propelled by the moving bass line, and in the lyrics, so much so that by the time we get to the "Oh my God, I am sorry ending," it's not even necessary to know what the song's about to feel the catharsis.

• Neil Young - "The Painter" (stream)
Thanks to pop-culture/indie music blogging giant Stereogum for catching this stream from Neil Young's upcoming album, Prairie Wind (due Sept. 27). Judging by this song, it's the gentler Neil ofHarvest, and more recently, the vastly underrated Silver & Gold. I'm looking forward to it.

Keep your contributions by your side

2005-08-31T08:52:00.000-04:00

• The tiebreaker in field hockey is known as a "strokeoff." Huh. I, uh... wow... how did I never hear this before?

• Rejected: A few months ago I made my first and so far only submission to McSweeney's. It was for "Lists" and it was rejected with a quickness, but it shall live on forever here at TNOTD:

Actual outdoors publications that could be easily mistaken
for specialty/obscure porn magazines
Big Buck
Crappie World
California Hog Hunter
Fish Taco Chronicles
Honey Hole Magazine
Whitetail Fanatic
Bushwhackers Wilderness
Young Riders
Women & Guns

Thanks to you it has been done

2005-08-30T14:52:00.000-04:00

Thanks to Marty for the spiffy new logo. Now we've got our game face.

IM I said

2005-08-30T11:04:00.000-04:00

Following is an IM conversation between myself and my friend who shall be known as Stinkor, (or, at times, Drinkor) on the possible professional benefits of a good beard

stinkor: maybe you need to work for an employer that runs a beard-merit shop
geoff: Yeah, really, like a mall Santa company
stinkor: or CSI
geoff: yeah, he's got a fine beard
stinkor: best in prime time, better than bob vila
geoff: though i don't know about the beard-merit system with CSI... David Duhovny? No beard. Gary Sinise? No beard
stinkor: spin offs -- they're like sweatshops anyway, you don't want to work there
stinkor: gary sinese could have a fine beard but chooses not to, and that's what makes him such a fine actor
geoff:y eah.. did i say duchovny above? I meant Caruso
geoff: Duchovny could have a fine beard, but that's irrelevant. Caruso has no beard potential
stinkor: which is why he's not a very good actor, we should forward this conversation to cbs
geoff: yeah really
geoff: I hope to start my blog after this weekend. May I use portions of this conversation as content?
stinkor: i get royalties
stinkor: ?
geoff: OK
stinkor: $0.00000000009 per word
stinkor: and i expect thorough bookkeeping
geoff: sounds fair... bookkeeping (and variations thereof), btw, is the only word in the English language with three consecutive double letters
stinkor: wow
stinkor: the others?
1:10 PM
stinkor: cookbook
stinkor: no, dame
stinkor: damn
geoff: believe me, it's the only one
stinkor: the "n" is nowhere near the "e"... how did that happen
stinkor: is that a challenge?

Justify my thug

2005-08-30T08:35:00.000-04:00

Last night whilst flipping through the channels waiting for Entourage to come on, I stopped on the O'Reilly Factor and O'Reilly was talking live with Shepard Smith, who was in New Orleans. Apparently referring to what O'Reilly believes will be certain looting in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, he told Smith, "You gotta watch out for those thugs." As he says this, they are rolling previously recorded footage of two young black men innocently walking around a totaled car. Good times!

Later, O'Reilly asked Smith if he had adequate protection and if somebody was watching his back for the night. What up, gangsta? What up, thug? Also, asked if he had any food for the night, Smith said he had some Vienna sausages to eat. I bet you do Shep, I bet you do.

Back to Tennessee

2005-08-29T14:12:00.000-04:00

NASHVILLE, Tennessee (AP) -- The Tennessee attorney general wants the country singer who made the song "Redneck Woman" a hit to stop "glamorizing" the use of smokeless tobacco at her concerts.

Now, hey, I'm no fan of Gretchen Wilson or chewing tobacco. But if I were her, my response to the Tennessee AG would be something like this...

Dear Attorney General Summers:

Not everything on this earth is necessarily intended to cater to the impressionable minds of young children. I am sure a Hilary Duff concert or Ice Age 2 might make more appropriate entertainment for the children of the Volunteer State than my brand of shit-kickin' country hee-haw, a form of 'music' which has glorified, among other things, alcoholism, sexism, violence, racism, xenophobia and spousal abuse. Since none of these are of much consequence to you, I would like to request that you mind your own business, and shut the fuck up.

Sincerely
Gretchen Wilson

Of course it would be written in crayon or motor oil grease or tobacco spit, but you get the picture.

I'll be the first to finish and the last to start

2005-08-29T13:08:00.000-04:00

Welcome to The Nicest of the Damned, future home to ramblings on music, sports, politics, Captain Lou Albano and, of course, Roberts Rules of Order. Content forthcoming when I feel like it bitch, so for now, take a look around, and have a ride on the ferris wheel. Three days since our last lost-time accident!